Stuck Smitten Whatever
by xana4
Summary: The real reason behind Callen's comment when talking about Kensi's obsession with Jason Wyler. It starts in the past but it carries on until the present and stretches to the future. Give it a shot because I suck at summaries
1. Chapter 1

**The real reason behind the 'stuck smitten whatever' comment**

Summary: The real reason behind Callen's comment when talking about Kensi's obsession with Jason Wyler. It starts in the past but it carries on until the present and stretches to the future. Give it a shot because I suck at summaries.

**Chapter 1**

_15__th__ January, 2004 – New York City_

Kensi Blye is walking towards what would look like an abandoned warehouse to the untrained eye.

Her high heels click on the floor and the sound is enough to drive her crazy.

Maybe it's because the whole street is so silent that she feels like that sound alone is enough to wake up the neighbors who are already asleep.

A few months ago she would consider this a normal hour to go to bed after a long day of work but a lot has changed since then. This is the hour she usually gets up now.

Kensi feels like a vampire.

She sleeps all day and wanders around the street during the night.

It comes with the job.

Small adjustments in her schedule are not that bad and compared to all the things she could be forced to do to go undercover like this she guesses that changing her sleeping habits is not that bad.

What bothers her the most is the wardrobe.

Her legs hurt on the end of every single day because she has to walk around in heels that are not meant to walk in. She is pretty sure that no woman on her right mind would endure this kind of torture for hours just to look taller.

New York is a cold city and the shorts she wears don't cover her legs nearly as much as she would like with this cold weather.

The shirt shows too much cleavage and makes her be cold all the time.

It's a miracle she hasn't gotten sick yet.

She finally makes it to the warehouse and after knocking and muttering the password to the man on the other side she finally walks inside and is immediately comforted with the warm provided by it.

Saying that a big and dusty warehouse is comfortable is not exactly accurate but at least it shields her from the cold wind blowing outside. She gets in her alias as soon as she steps inside. Her name is not Kensi Blye anymore.

Now, she is Emma Wilson and this is her life. Well, this has been her life for the past four months.

Mark, the man who opened the door to let her in, looks at her with the usual creepy smile on his face and walks to the couch in the middle of the warehouse. There are only two other men there and Kensi waves at them. They wave back at her with smiles on their faces.

She sits next to Mark on the old looking couch and he starts questioning her. "The meeting is only taking place in one hour. Why are you here so early?"

She shrugs and keeps her eyes trained on his. "Couldn't sleep so I thought I'd keep you company. Do you mind?"

Mark shakes his head with a perverted smile adorning his features and Kensi lets out a very out of character giggle but that fits Emma just right.

She's already used to this by now.

It doesn't bother her nearly as much as it did on the beginning of this operation.

Mark is the kind of guy who likes to be in control. He's not the boss but he thinks he can boss everyone around and tell everyone what to do and how to do it. She figures that he can tell everyone what to do but that's because of the big gun he always keeps nearby. He's a tough guy that doesn't hesitate when it comes to pulling the trigger. If someone doesn't follow the group's rules then he grabs his gun and ends everything then and there.

She tries to talk to him because she still needs all the info she can get her hands on. "So what is this meeting about? I thought our next shipment of material was only coming next month."

Mark nods and turns back to her. "It is but boss said he wanted us to meet a new guy that will be joining us."

Kensi frowns. New people are always bad news.

She's walking on a very thin line with her cover-story and an outsider can ruin what took her months to build in just a few seconds.

Everyone who works undercover knows that the worst enemy can be the one who only starts playing in the middle of the game.

Kensi tries to find out more about this new guy. "Are we sure he's trustworthy?"

Mark lets out a laugh. "Do you really think Miller would let a new guy join us without investigating him thoroughly?"

Kensi pretends to be satisfied with this answer but she's breaking down inside with nerves.

When the time of the meeting finally arrives there are 9 guys inside the warehouse.

She's the only girl on the team and she knows that the only reason why Richard Miller recruited her on the beginning of this entire thing was because she was easy on the eye. He only got to see how good she was after that.

When their boss walks inside the warehouse everyone walks to the door to initiate the meeting.

Richard greets them and sends a special warm smile towards Kensi who smiles back at him.

However her attention is focused on the man who is standing behind him.

The new guy has beach-blond hair and she can see just how blue his eyes are even from afar. His look is casual but the jeans and the simple shirt are a clear indication that he's not from New York.

Kensi has never seen him before and she lets out a sigh of relief that nobody notices. At least her identity is not in risk quite yet.

That doesn't mean the new guy isn't danger. For all she knows he can be violent and she already has enough of those to keep her mind occupied as it is.

Richard Miller starts talking then and Kensi can swear the new guy is looking at her. She shrugs it off because the only reason why he's doing it is because she's the only girl there and her clothes are not exactly conservative. "This is Daniel Brown. He will be joining us from now on. I can assure you he can be trusted, otherwise he wouldn't be here right now. I suggest you all to go back to work now. Seeing as you are all currently working in groups of two and Emma is the only one who has yet to be paired up, Daniel and Emma will be working together from now on. Emma, my dear, make sure those guys who own the convenience store give you the money they own me today. I would hate to have to send you two with a gun next week to finish this once and for all. Now, have good night everyone."

With that, Richard Miller leaves and Daniel walks to Kensi with a smile on his face.

She shakes his outstretched hand gives him a warm flirty smile. "I'm Emma Wilson."

He lets go of her hand but keeps his eyes trained on hers. "I'm Daniel Brown. It's always a pleasure to meet such a good looking lady in this line of work."

Kensi giggles again and takes the car keys out of her pocket and dangles them in front of his face. "Let's start our night, shall we partner?"

He nods and follows her out of the door.

Kensi can barely wait for the meeting she is scheduled to have the morning after with Callen.

They need to know who this guy is as soon as possible.

There is something about him that tells her he's lying.

**X**

**X**

**Okay, this idea has been bugging me for a few weeks now and I finally decided to write it and post it.  
>Please let me know what you think about it. I'll keep going if you liked this chapter but I won't bother doing so if you think it's not that good.<strong>

**Sarah**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_16th January, 2004_

Kensi walks through a busy street and lets out a yawn.

It's too early to be up, especially when one only goes to bed at 6 in the morning. However, some things need to be done and Callen can't wait forever for her updates.

She quickens her step realizing that it is ten minutes after the hour they agreed to meet and Callen will start worrying if she doesn't show up soon enough.

She stops in front of the big and old-looking church and lets out yet another yawn. These crazy hours are going to drive her crazy soon enough.

Kensi walks through the big door and walks in the direction of the confession's booth. She enters it and sits on the bench.

The voice that comes through the other side is so familiar that she allows herself to relax fully for the first time in over two weeks. "How are you?"

Kensi lets out a sigh. "I'm fine, Callen. How are things back home?"

They both know that home is not used in the literal sense of the word. Home for them is the place where they work with the people who have become a family over the years.

Callen knows that. Heck, he understands that better than anyone else she knows. "We are all fine and missing you like crazy. What do you have for me?"

Kensi yawns again but Callen doesn't comment because he knows she couldn't have slept more than one hour that night just so she could meet him at this hour. "I need you to find out who is Daniel Brown. He's the new guy on the team. He seems like someone who can be trusted but there's something about him that leaves me restless. I don't know why. I just have the feeling I can't trust him."

She hears a pen scribbling and knows that Callen is writing this down. "Describe him to me to see if the picture we have on the database checks."

Kensi doesn't need to make a big effort. She doesn't want to admit it but his face has been engraved in her memory ever since the first time she saw him. "He has blond hair and bright blue eyes. I don't know how to describe him any better than that. He seems to be a California guy, a surfer even."

Callen writes that down again. "Meet me here tomorrow at the same time and I'll bring all the information I can get my hands on about this guy. Until then, be careful."

Kensi allows a weak smile to take over her features, even though Callen can't see it. "I always am."

With that she walks out of the booth and leaves the church.

Callen waits a few more minutes before leaving.

They need to be careful because they all know that the wrong move can give her away and she'll end up dead in the blink of an eye.

No one wants to see that happen so every meeting is carefully planned and executed.

Callen arrives about two hours before she does and leaves at least twenty minutes after she does.

They are careful not to create a pattern so they switch those hours and minutes. Callen goes there sometimes without meeting her just so no one will notice that they always go there on the same days.

It's tiring but necessary.

X

Kensi wakes up with a knock on the door of her apartment.

She looks at the clock and sees that it's 4 in the afternoon. It's time to get up, one way or another, so the knock doesn't bother her as much as it would some other time.

Kensi gets up and puts some pants on because she doesn't sleep with nothing but a shirt and underwear on. She walks to the door and opens it.

Daniel Brown is standing there, a goofy smile on his face and a box of something on his hands.

Kensi frowns and he understands her reaction. "We have to be in the warehouse in two hours but since we are partners down I figured we better start getting to know each other. I asked one of the guys where you live and decided to bring you something for breakfast. I hope you like donuts because I'm absolutely crazy about them and I can assure you these are the best one in the state."

Kensi still doesn't trust him but his words seem honest so she opens the door wider and lets him in.

He walks to her kitchen and opens the box of donuts, handing her one with a napkin. She smiles and takes a bite.

He does the same with another donut and Kensi is suddenly invaded with a strange sense of security.

It's weird and she knows she shouldn't feel like this with a guy she doesn't fully trust. However, she feels safe with him. She can't figure out why but she does.

He's the one who breaks the silence. "Can I ask you something?"

Kensi shrugs. "If I say no won't you ask it anyway?"

Daniel laughs and nods. "I'm a curious person and you are a mystery."

Kensi takes another bite. "You met me last night. How can you say I'm a mystery if you don't even know me?"

"I'm very good when it comes to reading people and in the short period of time I got to spend with you I could tell many things about you. Now, can you answer a question or not?"

Kensi nods so he continues. "How did a girl like you end up doing something like this?"

She frowns, not sure if she should feel offended or flattered. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Daniel finishes chewing the bit of donut in his mouth before shrugging and answering her. "You are beautiful, young and smart. You could have done many different things with your life. Why this?"

Kensi smiles and tries to read him. "Well, it's the typical story. My life wasn't that great while growing up and it brought me to this. Besides, I'm an adrenaline junky."

Daniel laughs and throws his napkin away after finishing his donut. "Well, junky, go get ready. We have to leave if we want to get there on time."

Kensi nods and walks to her bedroom. There's something different about him but she can't figure out what it is.

X

_17th January, 2004_

Kensi walks inside the big church once again and walks to the same booth. It's still too early to be up but she needs this meeting with Callen and this is the only safe hour for them to meet.

Callen is already there, waiting for her, and he's the one who starts their talk. "Daniel Brown doesn't exist, Kensi."

She frowns but her gut already knew that something was off with this guy. "Then who is this new guy working with us?"

"I have no idea but he's not who he says he is. Try to dig anything you can but be careful. He can't be trusted."

Kensi leaves the church and walks home. She knew something was not right with this guy but she never suspected him to be lying this badly.

The moment she walks through the door of her apartment she almost lets out a scream. Daniel Brown is sitting on her couch with a smile on his face and she is sure he doesn't have the key to her apartment. This can't be good.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_The moment she walks through the door of her apartment she almost lets out a scream. Daniel Brown is sitting on her couch with a smile on his face and she is sure he doesn't have the key to her apartment.__ This can't be good__. _

Kensi tries to mask her worries and closes the door behind her with a small smile on her face before turning to her unwanted guest. "May I ask how did you manage to get inside my apartment?"

Daniel gets up with that mysterious look on his face and walks closer to her.

Kensi's first instinct tells her to take a step back because being this close to this guy is not good in any way. However she doesn't break cover and doesn't even blink an eye. "You're good."

Kensi frowns with his words and doesn't let the fact that he didn't answer her question slip away just like that. "I have no idea of what you mean and that hardly seems like an answer to my previous question. How did you get inside my apartment without a key?"

Daniel lets out a small genuine laugh this time and takes one step closer to her.

Kensi notices that one more step and he'll have her pinned against the wall of the entrance but she doesn't move. "How would you react if I told you I picked your lock?"

Kensi tries to remain strong and keep her voice steady which becomes a very difficult task.

He's too close and she wishes she could say that the emotion running through her is either fear or adrenaline.

Somehow, she knows it's neither of those. It's a feeling that warms her body.

She speaks anyway, trying not to let out how nervous his proximity makes her. "It wouldn't surprise me that much. You are obviously a bad guy and my lock is not that good. A kid would be able to get inside without trying too hard. I guess that the real question is: why did you get in?"

That's when he takes _the_ step.

Daniel has her pinned against the wall, his arms caging her in and his body pressed to her.

She fights back the moan that threatens to escape with the feeling of his body being so close to hers, his eyes staring right into hers as if trying to read her and the warm that emanates from his body.

Their faces are so close that she can feel his breath on her lips and needs to remain strong in order not to just close her eyes and kiss him right away.

She can't trust him and she knows that but her body is reacting without caring about her brain and there's nothing she can do to stop it.

She tries to tell herself she's only staying true to her cover but the warm that spreads through her body like a fire is most definitely not something that can be faked.

And then he talks and she can swear the temperature in the room has just heated up. "Maybe I wanted to find you here, all alone, lying on your bed with nothing but a small tight shirt on and have my way with you. Maybe I wanted to scare the hell out of you just for the fun of it. Maybe I wanted to find out what you use when you sleep. These all seem like pretty reasonable reasons, don't you think?"

Kensi forces herself to meet his eyes but regrets that decision the moment she looks up.

His bright blue orbs combined with the warm of his body and the ticklish feeling of his breath on her face is going to be the death of her.

She knows it and she has the weird feeling he knows it too.

Maybe that's his plan.

She plays along and tells herself the only reason why she does it is because she needs to make sure her identity is not compromised.

God, she would be in so much trouble if she allowed herself to be honest with her feelings.

She never felt like this before, never had such a strong reaction to any other guy before. "If you really wanted to see that you could have asked. I would have let you watch, you know? You didn't have to come inside my house and act like a stalker…"

Daniel strokes her waist with one of his hands, keeping the other one by her head, on the wall, to keep her in place. "And what would be the fun in that?"

Kensi shrugs, trying hard to ignore how good his hand feels on her waist. "You didn't say you wanted to have fun. You just said you were curious."

Daniel manages to push her shirt just two inches up and his hand rests on the bare skin of her waist.

She shivers and they both know this can't be just because of the coldness of his hand.

He smirks when he notices her reaction and looks into her eyes.

His voice in no louder than a whisper when he talks because they don't need to speak any louder than that to listen to each other. "I meant what I said a while ago. You are very good."

Kensi frowns and sees the glint on his eyes, the mischievous smile on his face. "What do you mean?"

Daniel leans in to kiss, suck and bite the pulse point on her neck, making her close her eyes and let out something that is pretty close to a moan. Her hand makes its way to his hair and strokes it. Her legs are starting to turn into jelly and she would have fallen if his arms weren't keeping her in place.

Then he pulls away from her neck and looks into her eyes once again, still with that goofy smile on his face. "The first time I saw you I wasn't sure of what to think about you. But now I just got the proof of how good you are. You let me pin you against the wall, allowed me to touch you and you even let me do that hickey on your neck."

His next words make her blood run cold. "It takes a very good undercover agent to endure something like this without batting an eye."

Kensi is completely frozen in the spot.

He is stronger than her and he has her pinned against a wall with no way to escape. Sure, she could try to fight him but she is not sure if she could manage to escape a guy like him. He's not only strong. He's also smart.

He knows she's not who she claims to be.

This is it.

There's no way for her to survive something like this.

He seems to sense her fear and lets out a laugh, making her frown.

Then he speaks again to ease her worries. "I'm Detective Marty Deeks, Agent Blye. I'm here working undercover for NYPD and yes, I've know you are undercover too since the moment my boss talked to your boss which was before I came undercover. I'm not going to kill you. You can breathe now."

Kensi does the first thing she can think of.

She slaps him hard across the face and he looks at her shocked, giving two steps back.

Then she smiles sweetly at him, which scares him even more than the fire he saw in her eyes just a few seconds ago. "Scare me like that again and I'll make sure you never have children, Detective."

Kensi walks to the kitchen and Deeks shakes his head with a light smile on his face.

She's definitely his kind of girl.

This is going to be fun.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_10th February, 2004_

Kensi opens her eyes and looks at the alarm clock on her bedside table. It is midnight and no one should ever have the need to get up and go to work at this hour.

I mean, this is the hour normally people go to bed. It's unfair and it gets on her nerves.

She needs to remind herself that this is for a greater good. She is doing this to save people and to put the bad guys behind bars.

She gets up and hops into the shower with a yawn. The warm water wakes her up fully and by the time that she finishes she is ready for the new day. Well, calling it a day is not exactly accurate but saying that she is ready to start a new night sounds too weird.

She puts on a pair of black shorts and a tight revealing black shirt before walking to the kitchen. Kensi grabs an apple and starts making coffee. It's not an ideal breakfast but this is not the ideal hour to have breakfast so it doesn't matter.

Then there's a knock on the door and she rolls her eyes. She doesn't go to answer it because she knows there's no need to do such a thing.

And she's right.

Deeks walks in less than 30 seconds later with that goofy smile on his face that always manages to annoy her. She can't understand how someone can look so happy while getting up at this insane hour. The only thing that makes her happy these days is knowing than in less than a week this operation will be over and she can go back to her normal sleeping schedule, back to her normal life.

"Good morning, sunshine!" There it is… the usual annoying good mood.

Kensi turns to him, a mug of steaming coffee already in her hands. "How many times do I have to tell you that nothing makes sense in that sentence?"

Deeks smile doesn't falter. "Would it be better if I said 'good night, moonlight'? It doesn't sound any better to me but what's my humble opinion when compared to yours, right?"

Kensi rolls her eyes and takes a bite out of her apple. "How did the meeting with your boss go yesterday?"

Deeks shrugs and grabs some coffee from her machine too. "The only thing my boss cares about is the job. As long as I give him the results he will be satisfied. He's not like that partner of yours who has the need to talk to you at least once a week to make sure you are okay. I mean, I kind of understand his point of view. If I had a partner like you I would be worried too."

Kensi frowns at his comment. "What's that supposed to mean? I'll let you know that I'm a very good person to be partnered with. I'm strong and capable of doing anything to get the job done. No one ever complained about having me as a partner."

Deeks took a sip of the steaming coffee before answering her. "I didn't say you were a bad partner. I said that I would constantly be worried about you if you were my partner. Don't take this the wrong way but you seem to be the kind of girl who attracts trouble like a magnet. And you seem a bit crazy too so I'm guessing that being your partner involves being in a constant state of alert."

Kensi doesn't allow herself to show the surprise she feels. He can read her so well. Instead, she pretends she is offended with his conclusions. "You don't know a damn thing about me. How can you just jump to conclusions like those when you don't even know who I am? It doesn't seem fair to be judged based on your observation skills only."

Deeks smirks this time. "Are you making fun of my observation skills?"

Kensi decides to play along because it's still 'early' and she doesn't feel like getting in an argument with him. "How can you make fun of something that is non-existent?"

Deeks laughs and fakes hurt. "Ouch, Kensi…you hit a sore spot with that one."

Kensi sits on the couch of her living room and throws a pillow at his head. He smiles and sits next to her with a mischievous smile on his face. "I'll let you know that my observation skills are very good."

She shakes her head at his cockiness. "How can you be so sure about that? And don't brag again about being the best detective they have at NYPD because that only shows how low their standards are…"

Deeks is already used to her sense of humor so he knows she's just messing with him. However, two can play that game too. "Let's make a bet. I'll point out five things I've learned about you only by observing. If I'm right about those things I get to choose something for us to do tomorrow to enjoy our day off. If I'm wrong you get to drive my car for the rest of the days we'll be staying here. What do you say?"

Kensi knows this might end badly but she's way past caring at this point. He seems like a nice guy. Well, he is annoying but still a nice guy. They've grown closer over the past few weeks but then again, working undercover with someone tends to have that effect. It's impossible to be with him every single day and remain neutral about him.

Maybe it's because he's the only one in this messed up group who knows she's an agent and they can be comfortable around each other. It's a nice break from the constant state of pretending to be someone they are not and they both enjoy their time alone in her apartment as much as they can. She would even dare to say they are slowly but surely becoming friends. She can't deny that she feels slightly attracted to him and then there's that sense of safety that only comes whenever he's around.

Kensi nods, agreeing with this bet.

Deeks smiles and starts. "You curl a bit of hair around your finger when you're planning something. You bite your bottom lip when you're slightly apprehensive. You tap your finger against your lower lip when you're thinking about something important. You love junk food, mainly burgers and candies."

He makes a pause and Kensi smiles triumphantly, thinking she won the bet. But boy, she is wrong.

Deeks scoots closer to her with a smile on his face and whispers. "You get nervous when I get close to you and you get goose bumps whenever I touch your skin."

Kensi is silent for a moment, not sure of what to do or say.

So he speaks again, his tone back to normal. "So, do you feel like watching a movie tomorrow night?"

Kensi lets out a little laugh at his cocky expression and nods, knowing that this guy is something else.

She is stuck with him for the next few days so she might as well enjoy it, right?


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_11th February, 2004_

Kensi wakes up in an unusual good mood. Maybe that's because this is the first time in a very long time she's waking up while the sun is still up and shining brightly.

God, she missed the sun.

It's her day off from all the crime and violence she has been witnessing every single day for the past few months. Their boss ordered them to take a break and rest for the day because their new and most important shipment yet is arriving in less than one week.

That also means that if things go according to the plans she will end this entire operation in less than a week.

She can't wait.

Waking up at crazy hours every single day is starting to get to her, not to mention the clothes she has to wear and the way she has to behave around the other guys from the team. The only person she can be comfortable with is Deeks.

She is still not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. Sure, it's good to have someone there that she can be herself around but the feelings she is starting to develop for him are anything but strictly friendly.

That's what scares her.

It scares her because she's been hurt one too many times before and she doesn't know if she still has it in her to put all the pieces back together if someone breaks her heart again. She has long run out of glue.

But maybe she's seeing and imagining things where they don't exist.

Deeks never gave her any kind of sign that he's into her so there's probably nothing to pursue between them. Yes, he flirts with her but Kensi has the feeling that that is just Deeks being Deeks and nothing else. What he does with her, he would do with any other woman.

And just like that, Kensi Blye gets depressed even before she is fully awake and out of the bed. At least it's not even the middle of the afternoon and she has plenty of time to try to improve that blasted mood.

She looks at the alarm clock on her bedside table and realizes that Deeks will be here in about two hours. She has plenty of time to do whatever she pleases until he gets there.

She rolls to her side of the bed and closes her eyes again. Maybe she can sleep for just a few more minutes. After all, it's been a long time since she has had a good night of sleep and she needs it badly. Yes, sleeping sounds perfect and in a matter of seconds Kensi is already asleep and completely unaware of her surroundings.

X

When she wakes up again, Kensi has to literally run to the bathroom. Deeks will be there in ten minutes and she hasn't even showered yet.

This is just like her. She tells herself she will only sleep for a few more minutes and ends up sleeping more than that. Hell, she slept for almost two hours.

She is stripping to get in the shower when she hears the knock on her front door.

Kensi curses under her breath and wraps a towel around her before walking to the living room where Deeks is already looking around. She clears her throat to alert him to her presence behind him and Deeks turns around.

When he does, his eyebrows almost disappear under his hair and his eyes widen.

Kensi pretends not to notice this. "I fell asleep and woke up just a few minutes ago. Just give me a few minutes to shower and put some clothes on and we can leave, okay?"

Deeks nods because he's not sure of how his voice would come out if he dared to speak.

Kensi offers him a small smile and disappears in the direction of the bathroom.

He's not sure if she knows the effect she has over him.

It's probably best if she doesn't find out any time soon. He can picture her taking advantage of that and teasing him every chance she got.

Yes, it's probably better if she doesn't find out about that small detail.

The only problem is that it becomes harder to hide if she keeps showing up in front of him with nothing but a towel on.

Her long tanned legs are not going to leave his thoughts any time soon and his dreams will be filled with images of her.

Deeks sits on the couch and thinks about the last few weeks. Kensi has been driving him crazy and the worst part is that she's not doing it on purpose. The only thing she needs to do is smile at him or look at him and his dreams will be filled with images of the Special Agent.

He's pulled out of his thoughts by Kensi who walks back in the living room. Her hair is still wet from the shower but she's already wearing some tight jeans and a comfortable-looking but still sexy shirt. She is not wearing high heels but snickers instead, making him see that she is indeed shorter than him. Deeks is sure that that doesn't matter because she would still be able to kick his ass if she wanted to.

Kensi grabs the usual coffee and apple and sends a smile in his direction.

Deeks smiles back at her and he sits on one of her kitchen chairs. "The movie I picked starts in one hour. That means we have to leave in 10 minutes if we want to be there on time."

She takes a bite out of the apple before answering. "Don't worry. We will leave in less than five minutes."

And true to her word, five minutes later they are leaving her house. She convinces herself that this is not a big deal. It's just two friends going out to relax and watch a good movie together. She has no idea of which movie they are going to watch but she trusts Deeks enough to let him choose a movie. Wow, that's a strange thought right there.

She trusts Deeks.

Kensi Blye, the girl with huge commitment and trust issues, trusts a guy she met last month. This is not good…not good at all.

X

X

X

_**Spoilers alert: scene from a future chapter**_

_Callen frowns. "What do you mean? You're late for what?"  
>Kensi shakes her head. "It's not like that, Callen. My period…I'm missing my period."<em>

**The more you review the sooner you'll get to read it…**

**Sarah**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_11th Februrary, 2004_

Kensi lets out a laugh and shakes her head at his question. "There is no way I'm going to tell you that. I'm not drunk enough to share so personal details with you, Detective Deeks."

Deeks laughs and pours her another shot.

They went to the movies and Kensi has to admit that it was fun. Now, they are sitting on her living room floor with a half-empty bottle of vodka and with slightly slurred speech.

It's not like this is their first drink of the night. First they emptied every single bottle of beer in her fridge.

Deeks claimed he wanted to get to know her better and she accepted because the truth is that she wanted to get to know him better too. She'd rather not think about the reasons that lead her to that want.

She can't think about his baby blue eyes or his soft-looking blond hair. That is something she needs to stay away from, even though her dreams have been filled with images of him during the past couple of days.

Deeks brings her out of her thoughts. "Come on, this is the whole point of getting to know each other better. You have to answer my questions!"

Kensi laughs again and is painfully aware that she is drunk and not thinking straight anymore. "The type of underwear I use is none of your damn business and it has nothing to do with getting to know me better. The only thing you're trying to do is being a perv and picture me in my underwear."

Deeks drinks another shot, aware of his drunken state too. "If you'd answer real questions I wouldn't have the need to ask you stupid ones. You're the one who avoided all my serious questions. What was I supposed to do?"

That's true and she has no arguments to fight with him over that. He tried to ask her real questions but she avoided them and that lead them to this. "Okay, you can ask me something serious."

Deeks seems thoughtful for a moment, never once losing that goofy smile that is completely him. "Do you promise me you'll answer me this time?"

Kensi sighs and the words that escape her mouth this time are the ones of someone who is not drunk, even though she feels drunk. "My life hasn't been exactly easy, Deeks. There are things I don't like to talk about. There are things I don't like to share. Yes, I know that I have many unresolved issues but the truth is that this is me and that troubled past made me become the person I am today. There's nothing I can do to change that."

Deeks stares at her for a few seconds with a serious expression on his face, almost as if trying to read her. Then, his face breaks into a smile once again and he tries to lighten up the mood. "Is that your subtle way to try to make me forget about my questions? You're good, Agent Blye, but you're not that good. Are you going to answer me or not?"

Kensi laughs and empties her glass of vodka. "Sure, but I have one condition."

Deeks pours her another shot. "Out with it, then."

Kensi empties her glass again before answering him. "I refuse to answer questions about my dating life."

Deeks laughs and takes a shot too before refilling their glasses. "I wasn't going to ask you anything about that either. Maybe later on…once you're drunk enough for that. I just want to know what made you join a federal agency."

Kensi is thankful that he chose something easy for her to talk about. It could have been much worse, coming from him.

She doesn't even have to think about the answer she's going to give him. "My father was a marine. He was killed when I was 15 years old. I went to the movies one night while he went out with some friends. By the end of the night I came back home but he never did. His body was found the morning after and it was so bad that they had to use dental records to identify him. His friends were cleared and the investigation never reached a conclusion about his death. It made me go through hell and I promised myself I would do anything to take that kind of pain away from people like me, people who saw their loved ones getting killed and that never got their closure. That's why I joined NCIS. I wanted to give people like me some sort of closure."

Deeks looks at her with a serious look once again while she drinks her shot.

It's like he's seeing her for the very first time.

Kensi is not just the tough independent girl she seems to be. No, she's so much more than that. He can see that now and it only makes him like her even more. It should scare him because he knows that girls like Kensi are not the kiss and ditch type and he's not the type of guy girls like her fall for.

They can never be together like this. It's crazy to even think about such a thing.

However, the urge he feels to kiss her doesn't feel wrong. Actually, it feels so right that he can't fight it. Or maybe the reason why he can't fight it is because he's way too drunk to distinguish right from wrong.

So he leans in and connects their lips in one swift movement.

Kensi is frozen for a second but recovers quickly and starts kissing him back. It's not a sweet slow kiss. It's a passionate kiss, full of want and need for each other. They both know they shouldn't be doing this. They are both drunk and this night can have consequences that they won't want to face.

The thing is that, for now, they push that thought away and lose themselves into each other. That's why he doesn't complain when she takes his shirt off and that's also why she doesn't say a word when he lifts her up and carries her to the bedroom.

The rest of the night is a blur, filled with passionate kisses, breathless moans and forbidden touches.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

_12th February, 2004_

Kensi opens her eyes slowly and is immediately greeted by the bright sunlight coming in through the open blinds of the bedroom window.

She closes her eyes quickly because her pounding headache doesn't enjoy such bright light. God, she shouldn't have had so much to drink the night before.

Hangovers are the worst and she knows that well. Hell, she has experience when it comes to that.

And she also knows that the mistakes committed during a night of drinks are usually the worst to deal with too. Unfortunately she can always remember the night before, even when she wishes she couldn't.

She had sex with Deeks the night before.

It was mind-blowing, there is no way she can deny such a thing, but it was still wrong.

They are both undercover and distractions can end up being the dead of them. This should have never happened. Maybe if she tells that herself that many times she will end up believing it.

Kensi tries to open her eyes once again and this time actually succeeds. She looks around and sees the mess that is her bedroom. There are clothes scattered everywhere and she is sure that the space next to her on the bed is empty.

At least he left and she won't have to deal with an awkward conversation about the night before. It's a shame, really, because Deeks seems like a nice guy.

She has commitment issues, though, and he doesn't seem to be the kind of guy who knows how to deal with that kind of things. He looks like the kind of guy who would rather be with someone who has no issues, someone normal. And she has known for a long time now that she's anything but normal, as sad as that sounds.

She almost feels like running away from this but she knows she can't. She is still undercover and she needs to get this job over with. She has to think about all those people she is going to help if she manages to get this guy behind bars. She can't run away from that, no matter how much she wants to right now. This is why there are rules that need to be followed and guidelines that they need to understand.

Sleeping with someone while undercover is not a good idea. Getting involved with someone while working on something like this is never good and it can always end badly. It's not just about how dangerous it can be. It's also about how hurtful it can be for both of them.

Her thoughts are interrupted when Deeks walks inside her bedroom slowly and as silently as he can. He probably thinks that she's still asleep and Kensi is not sure if she wants to let him know she's awake. However, he's good and realizes she's awake as soon as he looks at her. He gives her a small smile and hands her the mug of what she assumes it's steaming coffee.

She seems reluctant to accept it and Deeks laughs. "Don't worry. I promise it's not vodka again. My hangover was the worst when I woke up this morning and I can only imagine yours is just as bad. This is just coffee. It works for me. Can I bring you anything else?"

Kensi smiles at him and accepts the coffee, glad that things between them are not as awkward as she thought they would be. She takes a sip of it before answering him. "That's okay. It works for me too."

Deeks sits on the edge of the bed and hands her a shirt because he's sure she doesn't feel comfortable with nothing but a sheet covering her.

Kensi smiles in thank you and puts the shirt on before turning to him. "Look, about last night…"

Deeks lifts his hand to stop her. "We don't have to talk about that. We were both drunk and we got carried away. We're both grown-ups and we can deal with this, right? I don't want things to be awkward between us. I'm starting to really value your friendship, Kensi. I feel like I can be myself around you and that's not something I feel very often. I would hate to let one night of pleasure ruin that."

Kensi reaches for his hand and gives it a light squeeze. "Don't worry about it, Deeks. I agree with you. We can deal with this. We're good, right?"

He nods and kisses her forehead. "I have to go now but we'll see each other tonight at the warehouse, right?"

She nods and he gives her a smile before walking away. She hears the door closing and allows herself to fall against the pillows behind her.

This can't be happening to her. She feels like she's going crazy. Is she really starting to fall for Marty Deeks, a man that she met a month ago? She can't be because that means she's in trouble.

God, she's a mess.

X

_14__th__ February, 2004 _

This is it, the end.

Kensi feels her blood boiling in her veins because of the adrenaline. Her gun is secured tightly on her thigh holster. She checks her appearance once again on the mirror before walking out of the door and walking through the familiar path for what will hopefully be the last time. Her heels click on the floor but she doesn't let that annoy her this time.

It actually makes her smile.

She will never wear heels after this; no matter how much Callen will tease her about wearing skirts and snickers or how much Renko will mock her because she is shorter than him. Her legs can't stand this kind of shoes for much longer and need their rightful rest.

As she enters the warehouse this time, Deeks is already there along with everyone else of their team.

The shipment is already there and the next few minutes are a blur.

NCIS agents and NYPD detectives come bursting through the doors and start doing what they are good at. They arrest everyone in a matter of minutes and as soon as they are done, Kensi does the only thing she is capable of doing after the long months spent undercover.

She kicks her heels off and falls onto Callen's arms with a relieved smile on her face. He laughs and holds her for a few seconds before passing her to Renko who is waiting for his turn to get a hug too. This is what she's been craving for the past few months. Callen and Renko are like brothers to her, the closest thing she has to a real family. The bond between them is a very strong one and that makes them miss each other like crazy whenever they have to be way for more than just a few hours. It got to the point where they would spend holidays and summer vacations together. Deeks was the only one there for her during the past few months.

That's when a scary thought hits her. This might be the last time she sees Deeks. She turns around to search for him and ask him for his real number but the Detective is already gone.

Well, maybe it's for the best. Or so she tells herself…

**Attention: there will be an M-rated chapter very soon. I'll warn you when it comes so you won't have to read it if you feel somewhat offended by it. **

**Next one is the one I already gave you spoilers for. **

**Review and you'll read it before the end of the week.**

**Sarah**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

_16th March, 2004_

Kensi walks in the bullpen that morning and Callen immediately senses that something is not right with his partner. She seems to be worried about something, stressed out even. He frowns at her but Kensi just sits on her desk and starts the usual day of work without acknowledging his suspicious look. That right there is a behavior that Kensi doesn't usually have.

He tries to work and pretend that he doesn't see the change in her but fortunately he doesn't have to do that for too long because Renko walks in the office and notices it too right away. He sits on his desk but keeps his eyes trained on Kensi. Renko is not the kind of guy who sees something and keeps it to himself.

Finally, he bursts just like Callen knew he would.

Kensi is like a little sister to both of them but Renko wins the prize for the most over-protective brother hands down. "What's wrong with you?"

Kensi looks up and opens her mouth to say something but no words come out.

Callen frowns and sits closer to her. "Kensi, you're worrying me…us, actually. What's wrong? You were fine yesterday. What changed?"

Kensi looks at him and Renko brings his chair closer to them. They can see the unshed tears on her eyes and Renko reaches for her hand to try to give her the strength she needs to go on and tell them what's wrong so they can try to help her. This is what they do. They are a family and help each other without thinking twice about it.

Kensi takes a deep breath and Renko squeezes her hand to encourage her to talk. "I made a mistake."

Callen rests his hand on her knee to encourage her to keep talking. "What kind of mistake, Kenz?"

She closes her eyes and they can tell she's trying to keep the tears at bay. "It was a very stupid one. I mean, I'm a good agent. I've been working for NCIS for quite a while now and I know I'm good at my job. Everyone tells me I'm good at my job. I shouldn't make stupid mistakes like the one I did. I know better than that. What kind of person does something like that? I don't think I even deserve this job. I don't deserve any of this. It doesn't matter because if I'm right this will all be gone in no time. I'm so stupid."

Renko and Callen look at each other because Kensi is rambling and Kensi doesn't ramble. She yells, she punches, she shoots but one thing that Kensi Blye doesn't do is rambling. This must be something serious otherwise she wouldn't be this worked up.

Callen reaches for her other hand and she looks at them once again and takes a deep breath before continuing. "I can't do this. I don't know how to do this. I can't do this alone and it sucks because I will be alone and out of a job. How am I ever going to do this? I can't, not even in a million years."

Renko is trying to remain calm but is very hard to do when the person he sees as a sister is obviously going through something bad. "Kensi, you're freaking me out. Listen, you'll never be alone. Callen and I will always be with you, no matter what. We want to help you but you have to tell us what's going on first."

Kensi shakes her head. "I can't tell you."

Callen is the one who speaks this time, barely hiding the worry he feels. "You can tell us anything."

Kensi lets out a tear and Renko wipes it away with his finger. "If I tell you what I did you'll start looking at me differently and things between us will never be the same again."

Renko loses his cool and makes her get up. Callen looks at him, wondering what he's doing. Renko starts walking upstairs, dragging her along with him. Callen follows them because he knows Renko is going to do something that will help her. They enter an empty office and Callen locks the door behind them.

That's when Renko starts again. "You're going to tell us what's wrong with you and you're going to do it now, Kensi. We're here for you and no matter what you did we won't start looking at you differently. You're our little sister so start spilling."

Kensi takes a deep breath once again and looks at Callen. "Remember what I told you about Detective Deeks?"

Callen nods. "You told me he couldn't be fully trusted."

Kensi nods and continues. "Well, I think I was wrong. We started getting close and he took me to the movies on our night off because he said I needed to relax a bit. Then we went to my apartment and started drinking. One thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together."

Callen doesn't know what to say but Renko manages to speak, despite his shock. "Why are you letting this affect you so much today?"

Kensi can't stop the tears that run down her cheeks anymore. "It's bothering me because I realized today that I'm late."

Callen frowns. "What do you mean? You're late for what?"

Kensi shakes her head. "It's not like that, Callen. My period…I'm missing my period."

Callen is speechless again and is Renko who reacts this time. "Are you trying to tell us you might be pregnant?"

Kensi nods and Renko sits on the chair behind him, to avoid falling from shock.

Callen takes a deep breath and tries to keep his cool. Everyone knows he's the best one when it comes to keep cool under pressure. "We need to take you to a doctor, Kensi. We'll go with you but we need to know if you are pregnant or not. Do you want to call Deeks?"

Kensi shakes her head. "We agreed that that night was a drunken mistake that could never happen again. The last time I spoke to him was the day before we finished the job and the only thing we talked about was the plans for the arrest. I don't even have his number. He didn't bother giving it to me. It's okay, though."

Callen nods and Renko speaks again. "I'll set you up an appointment for tomorrow. Is that okay with you?"

Kensi nods and Callen gives her a hug. "It's going to be okay, Kenz. We're here for you."

Kensi relaxes in his arms and Renko strokes her back. Everything will be okay as long as she has them with her.

It would probably be better if Deeks was with her but the idiot didn't even bother to call her. He had no feelings for her but she really thought they were developing a nice friendship. It looks like she was wrong.

**X**

**X**

**X**

**So? What do you think about this one?**

**The next one will be Kensi's appointment and includes a flashback of "**_**the night".**_

**Reviews make me happy. **

**I write when I'm happy.**

**I write a lot when I'm very happy.**

**Many reviews make me very happy.**

**Many reviews will make me update faster.**

**Sarah**


	9. Chapter 9

Kensi sits on the waiting room of a doctor Renko knows and grabs a magazine from the table next to her chair. She is nervous, there is no way she can deny that.

Kensi has faced many hard situations before. She pointed guns at bad guys. She had guns pointed at her by the bad guys. She saw people getting tortured. She was tortured once. She was kidnapped. Yet, none of those things seem as scary as this situation. In fact, she would willingly trade this by the 'guns pointed at her' thing.

Callen is sitting across from her and Renko is sitting right next to her. They are trying to hide their nervousness too, she can tell. They are trying to be strong for her because she's breaking inside. The endless 'what if's' are killing her and she knows that they are probably feeling the same.

What if she really is pregnant? What will she do?

She can't have an abortion because, even though she accepts that without judging anyone who does it, she doesn't believe in it.

She can't give the baby up for adoption, even though that seems to be the smartest choice she could make. She would spend the rest of her life looking at little children in the streets and thinking about the one she could have. Besides, she doesn't think she could give away a baby that spent nine months inside of her.

The only reasonable thing to do is keep the baby. However, that seems to be a bad decision too. She can't raise a baby all by herself.

Kensi shakes her head and tries to focus on anything but this situation. She can't start to freak out before she knows for sure whether she's pregnant or not. Then her name is called and she gets up, followed by Renko and Callen. The doctor is a middle-aged woman with a gentle smile on her face. That smile turns into a slight frown when she sees the two men who are with Kensi.

The doctor tells them to sit on the chairs in front of her desk and begins the consult. "My name is doctor Elizabeth Williams. What brings you here, Miss Parker?"

She is under an alias because no one can know about this visit. Kensi smiles and answers the woman with a slightly shaky voice. "My period is a few weeks late."

The doctor looks at the three of them a bit confused. "I'm sorry but is any of you the possible father of the baby, if there is a baby?"

Callen is the one who answers her. "No, we're only here to keep our sister company." It's not exactly a lie.

The doctor smiles at her again. "May I ask you a couple of questions, then?"

Kensi nods and the doctor begins. "How late are you?"

Kensi does the math in her head but she already knows the answer. "I'm about 10 days late."

The doctor scribbles that down on her chart and continues. "Did you have unprotected sex?"

Kensi sighs and nods. "Do you have any other symptoms besides missing your period?"

Kensi shakes her head and the doctor gets up. "Well, then let's run a few tests to figure out what's going on."

A few minutes later they are sitting in the waiting room, waiting for her test results. Kensi starts reading a magazine to keep her mind off this whole thing but she notices way too late that it's a Cosmo. Big mistake right there because every single things she reads makes her go back to that night, the night that might have ruined her life. It took her only a few seconds to travel back to what happened during that drunken mistake.

************************************ Do not read if you're somewhat offended by M content (even though it's not too explicit)*************************************************

_Deeks drops her on the bed and gets on top of her without wasting time. She can feel his member against her thigh and every single slightly coherent thought in her mind flies out of the window. Maybe it's because of the way he's kissing her senseless or maybe it's because his hands are touching all the right places on her still-clothed body. When air becomes an issue he moves to her neck and she's sure that the way he keeps sucking and biting her is going to leave a mark but it's so damn good that she can do nothing but hold onto his hair and moan. _

_One of his hands is making its way under her shirt and as soon as he starts stroking her stomach and making his way upwards she has the sudden urge to feel his naked chest against hers. She takes his shirt off and can't help but admire his amazing abs and stroke them. He smirks at her and she might be drunk but she knows that a witty remark usually follows that smirk. So she shuts him up with a kiss. Deeks gets the message and takes her shirt off too, her bra following just a few short seconds later. _

_And then his chest is pressed against hers and the feeling of it is so damn erotic that she thinks she might lose it before they're even fully naked. Deeks seems to share her thoughts because his kiss reveals an urgency that wasn't there before. She flips them over so she can get on top and unbuttons his jeans while keeping her lips in contact with the skin of his neck and chest. Kensi takes his jeans off and strokes him through his boxers but before she can get any further than that he flips them over again and he's suddenly on top again. _

_Deeks takes her jeans off too and starts making his way down her body with his lips, kissing every inch of skin he can reach. When he takes her panties off she drags his boxers down his legs too. He returns to her lips and kisses her passionately, making her moan and parting her legs in the process so he can rest between them and tease her until she's begging him to take her. Deeks looks at her and finally obeys her command, joining their bodies with one swift movement that makes them both moan in pleasure._

Kensi is pulled out of her thoughts when the doctor calls her name. Callen and Renko get up after her once again and they sit on the chairs of the office. The doctor is still wearing that gentle smile on her face. "Well, Miss Blye, it seems like there is no reason for concerns. All your tests are absolutely fine and within the normal values. You're not pregnant!"

Kensi lets out a huge sigh of relief and hears Callen and Renko doing the same by her side. The doctor continues. "There are many things that can cause your period to be this late and that's perfectly okay. You told me that you changed your work schedule recently. It's normal to miss your period after that because your internal clock gets all messed up after, for example, working nights for a very long time and then change to days. There is no reason to worry about that."

And just like that, all her worries fade away.

Two months later she goes with Callen and Renko to work in Los Angeles and knows that she will never see Deeks again.

Little did she know just how wrong she was…

**X**

**X**

**X**

**Dear readers, another year has gone by and tomorrow I will officially be one day older.**

**I'm turning 17 tomorrow and I started to think about what happened to me during this last year.**

**I broke up with my boyfriend. I got a new boyfriend (going on 7 months now).**

**I broke my wrist. My twin broke his leg.**

**My nephew was born.**

**But one thing that really made me happy this year was the constant love and support that I got from all my loyal readers. I love reading your reviews, love to see how many people add me to the favorite's and alert's list. **

**So, thank you dear readers for an amazing year of my life.**

**Your support is what keeps me motivated.**

**Keep it coming. **

**Next chapter will be up soon,**

**Sarah**


	10. Chapter 10

6th April, 2010

There is something about this case that immediately sets off warning bells inside her head. She doesn't know why that happens but Daniel Zuna's lifeless body sends a shiver down her spine, almost as if her body is trying to tell her that something is about to happen.

She tries to shake that off and keeps the façade of pure professionalism that is so characteristically of her. Callen doesn't seem to notice but Kensi figures that he only pretends not to notice, probably to save her from the hazard of having to try to explain that to Sam. So they continue the investigation and a big part of it is the gym where Daniel Zuna worked out. There is no better place to start investigating than the place where he spent most of his days at.

Kensi is the bait, as usual. She thinks about complaining but there's really no point in it. She knows that it is a lot less suspicious if a girl comes to the gym to talk about him than if a guy does the same. She can easily pass off as his girlfriend. She accepts the task without complaining and gets in the car to start driving to the gym. Callen and Sam drive right behind her, in another car. The plan is not to let the guys from the gym see them. It's always good to keep one or two faces without being seen on the course of an investigation. One never knows when it might come in handy.

A shiver runs down her spine once again when she is walking to the gym, after having parked her car a few blocks away. She doesn't know why she feels like this. All she has to do is to check if there is anything off at the gym, nothing else. It's not even one of the hardest jobs she's ever done.

Then she opens the door to the gym and all eyes start to slowly turn to her. She introduces herself to the guy she can only assume that runs this gym as Tracy, Daniel's girlfriend. The guy walks up to her immediately with a sad look on his face that would have easily passed off as genuine to the untrained eye. She doesn't trust him and she has only met him for a few seconds. He introduces himself as Victor Janklow.

"I was…Danny's Platoon Sergeant." He says and it's probably the first thing that she sees as true coming out of his mouth. She plays her part and shakes his hand with the best sad look on her face that she can possibly muster.

"He talked about you a lot." She starts looking around without making him suspicious. She already told him that she just wanted to meet the place where he spent so much time, anyway.

"Yeah, well probably only half of what he told was true – the bad half." Kensi lets out a weak laugh and she senses that someone is watching her. However, she doesn't have the time to react because Janklow directs her towards the center of the gym and calls the guys to introduce them to her.

He starts saying their names but she's not really paying attention because _he_ is right there. His blond hair is exactly as it was the last time she saw him. His blue eyes are as bright as ever, staring right at her. His muscles seem to be even more ripped than before. Deeks is right there, looking at her without showing any kind of emotion. She figures he's playing a role, exactly like she is. But a little voice inside of her tells her that he would still react like that to her even if they weren't both pretending to be someone they're not. She keeps telling herself that he never really care about her, that they only got that close all those years ago because they were both alone and undercover. All those years ago, things were much simpler. All those years ago, they had each other to keep themselves sane during the course of the operation. And there was nothing else to it.

She leaves after just a few minutes and walks to her car without even taking a double-look at Deeks, or Jason Wyler as he is known in the gym. She drives to the OPS center with the radio turned on and the volume loud so she can try to block her thoughts. She can't. All those moments they spent together years ago were special to her. She managed to connect with someone without being afraid, for the first time in years. And it turned out to be even worse because after that situation it became even harder for her to trust men.

Back in the office, Eric shows them a picture of all the fighters in the club. Kensi keeps her eyes trained on Callen and sees how he flinches when he sees Deeks picture in there. Kensi hopes he won't say a word about it because she really doesn't feel like explaining this one to Sam. She doesn't want him to know about the mistake she made all those years ago, the mistake that could have ended her career.

Callen turns to her and says something that won't seem that suspicious, given the look she has on her face.

"Are you okay, Kens?" She looks at Sam and sees that he has no clue of what Callen is talking about so she figures it's best to answer in code.

"I'm still stuck on Wyler." But there's another meaning behind her words and Callen understands it. _I'm still not over him._

"Stuck. Smitten. Whatever." And this time it's not in code but Sam just laughs, thinking that this is just Callen mocking her.

"He's hiding behind an alias. He's carrying a weapon. From the moment I saw him, he seem hinky." _He's not the guy I thought he was. He can hurt me just like he did last time. From the moment I saw him, I knew I couldn't trust him._

Callen sighs and nods, not capable of continue this argument. For now, the only thing they can do is finish this investigation as soon as possible, for her sake.

**X**

**X**

**X**

**Hi everyone**

**I'm not Sarah but she left me in charge of her updates while she's away.**

**My dear sister is currently travelling in the company of her twin brother and our uncle.**

**However, I'll tell her about your reviews and feel free to send any messages you'd like to.**

**I'll post her next chapter soon.**

**Don't forget to review this one…**


	11. Chapter 11

Kensi and Callen drive to Daniel Zuna's house while Sam gets ready to start working undercover on the gym. She knows that Callen is trying to distract her and she's thankful because that means he doesn't even try to bring up the Deeks subject. It's better that way. She really doesn't feel like reliving the past once again. She has done it too many times before. They get out of the car and start walking towards the door. Callen is the one who breaks the silence.

"This is Zuna's place. You want to do the honor?"

Kensi looks at him weirdly. "What, no key?"

Callen laughs and it's the confirmation she needed to be sure that he really is trying to distract her for the time being. "Well, what's the challenge in that?"

Kensi offers him a small smile too to let him know that it's working and that she appreciates what he's trying to do. "Why does everything have to be a challenge for you guys? Lock has a double cylinder. You saw it coming up the walk."

Callen smirks at her while she takes some tools off and lowers herself until she's leveled with the lock. "Pain in the ass, aren't they?"

Kensi opens the door and doesn't even bother looking at him so he can see the smirk on her face. "For some…"

They start exploring the house. Kensi is sitting on the chair, looking through his computer, when they hear someone opening the door. Callen manages to escape but she doesn't have the time. She starts thinking about a story that will be believable enough to justify her presence. The door opens and Deeks seems as surprised to see her as she is to see him there. He doesn't know if there's someone else listening to their talk, though, so he doesn't ask personal questions.

"What are you doing here?"

Kensi decides not to let him know they're alone. It's easier this way. They can talk without actually talking about anything too personal. "Daniel gave me a key. What are you doing here?"

Deeks looks her up and down, making her feel kind of naked. She doesn't know if that's a good or a bad feeling. "I'm crashing on the spare bedroom. Found anything interesting on his laptop?"

Kensi sighs and lies her way through this one. "Look, I sent him some personal photos and I would hate it if they got into the wrong hands."

He smirks and it's so damn familiar that she almost breaks down and falls into his arms. "Personal as you two watching the sunset or personal as in the kind you wear nothing but a smile?"

Kensi doesn't answer him and Deeks walks to the kitchen. She hears him closing a window and figures that Callen must have used it to escape. Then he calls her up on her lie, tells her that his girlfriend's name wasn't Tracy. She doesn't give up that easily and prays that Callen will get her out of here soon. He asks her who she is one more time and Kensi knows he's expecting her to break. She doesn't, though. And he really should have seen that one coming.

"Fine, he owned me some money and never paid. I came here to get my money back."

"Maybe you already found it before I arrived. Maybe is should frisk you before you leave." They're close, too close to be comfortable for her. He starts to open his mouth to say something else and she has the feeling that it's going to be a personal comment, if the smirk on his face can be used as a clue. But the doorbell rings and he has to open the door. Callen has always had the perfect timing.

X

X

There's a part of her that hates the idea of seeing Sam and Deeks fight against each other. So she talks to Hetty and tells her the whole truth. Well, she doesn't tell her about her personal involvement with Deeks but tells her the essential. Kensi tells her about the operation they conducted together while still in New York.

Hetty assures her that she will take care of that but that Deeks and Sam must fight in order to guarantee Sam's place inside the gym. Kensi tells Hetty that she doesn't like that idea and turns around to leave. Hetty's next words stop her, though.

"Do you fear for Detective Deeks or Mr. Hanna's safety, my dear?"

Kensi doesn't turn around, doesn't answer her boss. It's not because she doesn't want to. It's because she is not sure of what to say, is not sure of what to think about this whole situation. Hetty doesn't push her and Kensi walks back to her desk. Maybe things would be a lot easier if she managed to find the answer to that question.

X

X

The fight ends up with Sam as the winner and Kensi will never admit out loud but she flinched with every single punch Deeks received. After it's over there's a sense of relief that washes over her. It probably wouldn't have been that way if she knew that she would be standing in front of him right now. Deeks doesn't say a word about her identity. He knows who Callen is but Kensi figures he must understand that she doesn't want anyone else to know about their history.

So he makes small-talk about their working techniques and the way they do what they do. He turns to Kensi and decides to keep playing the game they started back in Daniel's house. He pretends this is the first time he's standing in front of her after knowing that she's a special agent working for NCIS. The truth is that the whole thing is like a déjá vu. They've done this before. Well, not exactly like this but close enough. Last time Deeks had her pinned to a wall when he revealed his identity. Kensi pushes the thought away as soon as it comes to her mind but she can't help but admit to herself that that first time was far more interesting.

"Well, at first, I wasn't too sure about you, but uh, that internet photo thing really sold me. So riddle me this: did you pre-plan that or maybe – maybe that happened in real life?"

Kensi eyes him suspiciously for a second. She knows what he's trying to do. He's trying to see if they're still capable of the playful banter they usually had all those years ago. She plays along because there's a part of her that wishes things were a lot less complicated than this.

"Crashing in the spare bedroom, is that the best you can do? You were lucky I didn't shoot you."

He lets out a small smile because this is so familiar that he can't really help it and neither can Kensi.

"I was vamping." The talk goes on smoothly and Kensi tries to avoid looking him in the eye because her feelings for him are slowly but surely coming back to her. She really thought this wouldn't affect her this much. But then again, she never really expected to see him again after she moved to LA.

They plan and they manage to close the case the day after.

Kensi goes home and takes her clothes off. She gets in the bathtub and lets the warm water relax her muscles. She takes her time and when she finally gets out, she puts on a comfortable shirt and some shorts. She ties her hair up in a messy ponytail and walks barefoot to the kitchen. Microwaved pizza is usually not her first choice but she's not in the mood for anything else so the pizza will have to do. She's starting her meal when a knock on her front door stops her.

Kensi gets up and sighs when she sees the bright blue eyes staring right at her from the other side of the glass window of the door. She hesitates for a second but ends up opening the door.

Deeks offers her his usually goofy smile and hands her a six-pack. "Can I come in?"

Kensi accepts the six-pack and opens the door wider. He walks inside and Kensi leads him to the living room, trying to disguise the small smile on her face. "Only because you brought me a gift…"

Deeks laughs and sits on her couch. "I feel like watching a movie tonight. What do you have?"

Kensi sees that he's once again trying to get back to the time when things were a lot less complicated between them. She knows it's not that easy, knows that they have to talk about everything that happened. But she's tired and doesn't feel like doing that tonight. So she lets him choose a movie and sits next to him, ready to enjoy a good movie and trying not to think about anything else. They would have time for that later.


	12. Chapter 12

She spends the next week without seeing Deeks.

It's not that she is trying to avoid him or anything like that.

That night was pretty normal, kind of like two friends who see each other every single week.

They didn't talk about anything but the movie they watched. It was comfortable and nothing out of ordinary. There were so many things she wanted to tell him, so many things she wanted to ask him. But she didn't. She didn't because she needed that, even if just for one night. She needed to feel normal for one night and that's not too much to ask, or at least she doesn't think it is. Deeks told her, when she walked him to the door to leave, that he had to take care of all the paperwork about this case and had some things to sort with his boss. She didn't ask what those things were because she knew he would tell her if he wanted to, whenever he wanted to.

Amazingly enough she also spends the next week without talking to Callen about it. Kensi has no idea of how she manages to do that but Callen doesn't say a word about Deeks, doesn't say a word about anything not work-related. She is sure he is waiting for her to be the one to start a conversation about that particular subject but there is no way she's going to start a conversation she doesn't want to have. So, after a week, Callen gives up waiting and corners her after everyone's already gone. She's getting ready to leave when he stops her, just by calling her.

"Kensi" It's not the use of her name that makes her stop. It's the way he says it. He uses _that_ tone of voice, the one that reminds her of a parent scolding a child for something she did. It's the voice that usually means they're going to talk about something she doesn't want to talk about. This time, though, she knows what's coming and knows that there's no way she can avoid this one.

So she sighs and turns back around to sit on her chair. She waits because he probably wants to start this one. But he doesn't. Callen just looks at her with _that_ look on his face, the one that always means he's waiting for her to talk. It's a look that often makes her nervous. He knows she breaks under that look…that's why he uses it. And she doesn't disappoint. It takes her just a few seconds under his stare to start talking, more like regurgitating words.

"What do you want me to say, Callen? Do you want me to say that I'm surprised to see him? Do you want me to tell you that I still have feelings for him, feelings I should have never had in the first place? My head is a mess right now. We didn't talk about it and I'm not sure if I want to talk about that with him. I want to ask him why he never called. I want to tell him that for a few days I thought I was carrying his baby. I want to tell him I've never trusted someone as much as I trusted him in such a short amount of time. I want to tell him that…" She stops and breathes in, not sure of how to continue this sentence without breaking apart. So she turns to Callen and does what she always does, she avoids her feelings like a wildfire. "I have nothing to say to you, Callen. There's nothing I can say to you when I don't even know what to think about this whole thing. It sucks but there's nothing I can do about it. So stop looking at me like that and let me come to you when I need. Until then, let me solve this the way I want to."

Callen nods and she gets up. She gives him a kiss on the cheek. "Good night, Callen."

"Good night, Kensi."

It's midnight when she wakes up with a knock on her front door. It's not an insistent knock. It's a tentative one, almost as if someone is trying to see if she's awake or already asleep. Kensi gets up from her bed and doesn't even bother putting any clothes on. She's wearing one of Renko's old shirts that reaches her thighs and shorts that reach mid-thigh. She grabs her gun and walks to the door. One never know what kind of freak knocks on the door at that hour.

She looks through the window and sighs when she sees who's on the other side of the door. Kensi puts her gun on top of the table and yawns while opening the door. "You better have a good reason to wake me up at this hour."

Deeks gives her one of his goofy smiles. "You've never been one to wake up in a good mood."

Kensi rolls her eyes. "As much as I would love to stay here and talk about my personality, I have a warm bed to get back to and an alarm clock that will go off in the morning to wake me up for a day of work. Is there a reason for your visit or you're just trying to annoy me?"

Deeks turns slightly serious now, his goofy smile turning into a small smile. "Can I come in?"

There's a certain questioning tone on his voice and she feels like slapping him. She can't say no to him and it's not just because of his baby-blue eyes. If she didn't allow him to come in she would spend the night thinking about what he wanted to say to her. So she opens the door wider and motions for him to come in.

He does and they sit on her couch. Kensi can't help but yawn once again. It was a long day and she just feels like sleeping right now. But he has other plans and starts talking, his expression serious now and not the goofy one she's used to see on his features. She knows this is important.


	13. Chapter 13

_Deeks turns slightly serious now, his goofy smile turning into a small smile. "Can I come in?"_

_There's a certain questioning tone on his voice and she feels like slapping him. She can't say no to him and it's not just because of his baby-blue eyes. If she didn't allow him to come in she would spend the night thinking about what he wanted to say to her. So she opens the door wider and motions for him to come in._

_He does and they sit on her couch. Kensi can't help but yawn once again. It was a long day and she just feels like sleeping right now. But he has other plans and starts talking, his expression serious now and not the goofy one she's used to see on his features. She knows this is important._

"Look, we've been trying to ignore the huge pink elephant in the room. I get it and if you want me to be honest with you I would love to keep things exactly as they are. But we have to talk about what happened. We have to talk about this."

Kensi sighs and tries her hardest to avoid this conversation. "Why do we have to do such a thing? Everything's okay between us. We're just two friends who haven't seen each other for a few years. What's the big deal about that? Why can't we just let the past be?"

Deeks smile is gone now and she swears she has only seen him this serious a couple of times before. "Kensi, things can't be awkward between us."

"Things aren't awkward between us. And even if they were we would be able to get over it with time. It's no big deal. There's nothing to talk about."

She really thinks this can be the end of this conversation but Deeks is as stubborn as she is and not one to give up without a fight. "So your brilliant plan is to ignore that you ran away from me all those years ago? Because I'm sorry to inform you but I can't do that."

He seems pissed now which only makes her angry. "I ran away from you? How can you say that? I stepped aside for a few minutes to talk to Callen and Renko and next thing I know you're nowhere to be seen. I'm the one who ran away from you? You've got some nerve, Deeks!"

"So you think I was the one who walked away? Let me tell you something about me. I never, and I'll repeat this one because you really need to remember it for future arguments, never walk away from someone who means something to me. I've never done it and I will never do it."

They're both fully aware that they're yelling at each other but they're way past the point of caring about that. "Well, you didn't walk away from someone who meant something to you. You walked away from me. It's completely different."

And this time Deeks actually laughs and looks at her like as if he's looking at someone who's completely nuts. "Isn't that the exact same thing? Because from where I'm standing, walking away from you is walking away from someone I care about."

"Don't even bother trying that one with me. I was just backup, nothing else. You didn't have to care. You didn't have to become my friend or anything else, for that matter. The only thing we had to do was get the job done and arrest the bad guys. And that's exactly what we did. We didn't have to care about each other. We weren't even working together."

Deeks sighs and looks away from her this time and for a second Kensi fears she might have said the wrong thing. Then he looks at her and his voice is back to the normal volume instead of the one that might make her neighbors call the police.

"You're absolutely right about one of the things you just said. We didn't have to care about each other…it wasn't part of the job description. But we both know we got close and became friends. Kensi, I care about you, even though I'm pretty sure you don't believe me. And I hate to admit this but I know you a bit better than what you think. I know that you have abandonment issues. I don't know why but I know they are there, buried deep inside of you. You put up these walls around yourself to keep everyone away from your feelings but the truth is that they won't last forever. Sooner or later you'll have to let someone in."

Kensi's voice softens too, a response to not being yelled at anymore. "And you think you're the right person for me to let in?"

Deeks gives her his goofy smile, lightening up the mood. "I don't know about that but I like to think that, all those years ago when we were in that house together, you let me in. I like to think that I got to see the real Kensi Blye, with nothing to hide."

Kensi doesn't say anything so he takes that as his cue to continue. "And I'd love to say that I wanted to have this conversation just because the idea of you being mad at me doesn't let me sleep but that would be a lie and I know you can see right through my lies."

She forces a smile this time, or at least she convinces herself that it's a forced smile and not a genuine one. "Dogs get mad. People get angry."

Deeks laughs but she continues. "So what's the real reason why you woke me up to have this conversation?"

He sighs. "Your boss offered me a job as your liaison officer. I was tempted to accept but I could never say yes to her offer unless I was absolutely sure that things were okay between us. Can I say yes to the job?"

Kensi doesn't have to think twice about it. She has to admit that he's a pretty good detective. "Yes, you can. But there's something you need to promise me."

Deeks nods. "Anything"

"Callen already knows that we know each other and what happened between us but no one else does. I'd like to keep it that way. This means that while at work, no one can find out we already know each other from a previous job. Is that okay with you?"

Deeks nods but frowns when he thinks about what she just said. "Wait a minute. When you say that Callen knows what happened between us…what exactly does he know?"

She can't lie to him. "He knows everything."

Deeks is shocked with her words. "You told him? Are you insane? That could have ended with both out careers."

"Callen is my friend, Deeks. I told him because I thought…well, it doesn't matter why I told him. The only thing that matters is that he would never tell anyone about that. You have nothing to worry about. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd love to get back to my warm bed right now. Is that a problem?"

She's not that tired and the idea of going back to bed is not that pleasant but she can't keep talking to him. If she doesn't, she will end up spilling everything out and tell him that for a while she thought she could be carrying his child. For some reason, she doesn't want him to know that.

Deeks seems to buy her excuse, though, and nods. Kensi walks him out and breathes a sigh of relief. This night could have gone much worse.

X

X

X

Next on: What really happens before Deeks leaves for his undercover assignment for LAPD


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Kensi sits on the couch after the long day of work. She wishes she could say that this was the first time some crazy guy tried to kill her. Boy, things would be a lot easier if that was true. Her nights wouldn't be filled with nightmares. Now, there's one more thing that makes her nervous.

Deeks is going undercover for LAPD. She keeps telling herself that this is his job; this is what he's paid to do. And the truth is that it shouldn't be bothering her nearly as much as it is bothering her right now. She knows for a fact that this is not the first time he goes on a deep undercover assignment. Kensi is well aware of the ridiculous amount of times he has had to pretend to be someone he wasn't. She doesn't know why but she has the feeling that he has been undercover more times than what she has, and that's saying a lot.

So why is she feeling like this? Why is she so scared of what can happen to him? He's a good cop and an even better liar. This should be easy for him. But the thought of Deeks in the middle of a bunch of guys with guns and bad tempers is enough to leave her restless and on the edge of a mental breakdown.

Her thoughts are interrupted by a light knock on her front door. And she knows who's on the other side as soon as she hears it. He always knocks like this. It's almost like as if he's trying to see if she's still awake or already asleep. She almost pretends to be asleep because she doesn't feel like saying goodbye to him once again. She already did that this afternoon. But the rational part of her brain reminds her that he would probably only knock harder on the door to wake her up. That's Deeks, after all. He's not the kind of guy who gives up that easily.

So she gets up from her comfortable couch and answers the door with what she hopes it's an annoyed look on her face. "Must you always wake me up?"

Deeks gives her that goofy smile that seems to never leave his face and shrugs. "Don't even go there. You weren't asleep."

Kensi frowns. "And how would you know that?"

Deeks lets out a laugh. "Kensi, we've been over this before. I know you better than that. You don't sleep with pants. Last time I checked, you slept with nothing but a t-shirt on. Besides, your TV is still on and you don't look sleepy. Can I come in?"

Kensi knows there is no point in arguing with him because he's right. She nods and opens the door wider to let him in. Deeks sits on her couch and waits until she sits by his side.

"Are you going to tell me why you're here or do I have to let my imagination run wild?"

Deeks smiles at her. "I told you that I'm going undercover. I couldn't leave without saying goodbye."

Kensi frowns and tries to find something good to watch on the TV but she figures that it doesn't matter because she's not even paying attention to it. She can't concentrate when he's sitting that close to her…not when she can smell his cologne. It's intoxicating and she almost swears it's still the same as it was years ago. "I thought we said goodbye this afternoon. I wasn't expecting to see you here."

Deeks laughs once again. "That wasn't a real goodbye. Look, I hope things go well with this assignment but I don't like to go undercover and leave things left unsaid or things left undone."

Kensi turns to him, sensing that this conversation is going to turn somewhat serious now. "I know…I don't like it either. Last time I went on a deep undercover assignment I almost made Callen cry with my goodbye. And Callen's not a softie."

Deeks lets out another laugh. "Well, I'm not going to make you cry. Or at least I think I'm not going to make you cry. What I want to tell you is something I've been meaning to tell you for a while now but it never feels like the right moment."

Kensi is not sure of what is going to come out of his mouth but she knows what she wants so desperately to hear. However, that's not what he says.

"Your friendship means a lot to me, Kensi. I feel like I can be myself when I'm with you and that's something special to me. I need you to let me in. I'm not asking you to do it right now but I'm a patient man. And I want us to build a good friendship, based on mutual trust and understanding. I need you to let me get to know you. Promise me that you'll let me do that when I come back."

Kensi hides her disappointment but shakes her head. "I can't promise you something like that, Deeks."

"Why not?"

"Look, this is who I am. If our friendship means that much to you, you'll give me time. Eventually, I'll let you in. But I can't promise you that it will happen as soon as you come back from your assignment."

Deeks nods and gets up to leave. Kensi walks him to the door, something she never did with him. He stops after he opens the door and turns to her with a small smile on his face. "Would a hug be too much to ask?"

Kensi doesn't even answer him. She just wraps her arms around his neck and allows him to wrap his arms around her waist to pull her closer to his body. She is not sure of how long it takes them to pull back but as soon as they do, she immediately misses his warmth. He leaves a kiss on her cheek and leaves.

That night, Kensi falls asleep with memories of him and prays for his safe return.

**X**

**X**

**X**

**Hi everyone!**

**As some of you might know by now school is about to start. And I belong to that huge amount of students all over the world that are seeing their summers coming to an end. Pretty soon, I will be back to spend my days hearing a teacher talking for hours and I will be so tired in the end of the day that the only thing I'll be able to do is sleep.**

**Therefore, I'm proud to announce that I already have the next 21 chapters written for this story and I'm already working on a new one. I can't promise that I will update as often as I do right now but I will post at least one chapter per week (as long as I keep getting a decent amount of reviews).**

**For now, I'm making the most out of the two weeks I have left before school starts. But you'll still get your chapters regularly.**

**Don't forget to review,**

**Sarah**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Kensi can barely breathe.

This can't be happening…not to him.

As soon as she hears that Deeks is missing is like she can't even think straight. All she can think about is the last time she saw him, the last words she spoke to him, their last hug and the last time she looked into those bright blue eyes that always remind her of the ocean.

She has to get him back, no matter what. They need to find him before it's too late, if it isn't already.

But she can't think like that.

She needs to focus on the words coming out of Eric's mouth instead of her thoughts. She needs to do everything she can in order to bring him back home as unharmed as possible. These guys are dangerous and the endless list of bad things they can do to him in just a few short hours is enough to make her sick. She shakes her head to get rid of those thoughts and follows Callen out of the room.

She doesn't know how she manages to go all the way to the boathouse but she figures that she only did because Callen was the one who drove there.

Kensi tries to listen to every word that comes out of Detective Jess Traynor's mouth but she has a hard time focusing on anything but Deeks. There's a pain in her chest that she knows it won't leave until she sees his face and touches him, just to make sure he is real (to make sure he's okay).

Then there's something that Detective Traynor's says that makes her stop her thoughts and focus on her words. She calls him Marty and there's something in her eyes that makes it clear that their relationship wasn't purely professional. Somehow, that makes the pain in her chest even worse.

She seems to know more about him than what a partner has to. The lawyer thing, for example, it's something she didn't know.

And that hurts so much that breathing becomes even harder.

Then this woman tells them she doesn't believe he's alive and she has to hold onto Callen's arm for support. Callen seems to understand what's going on inside her head and rubs her back in a comforting manner when he's sure Sam's not looking at them. The moment of affection between them doesn't last long because they don't want anyone to see it.

Kensi doesn't want anyone to know that she has a past with Deeks nor does she want Sam to see that this is bothering her more than what it should.

Then the car explodes and Callen doesn't even let Kensi see Detective Traynor. He doesn't let her get anywhere near the car, afraid that seeing that will only upset her further. She walks to do something else to keep her mind busy without arguing with him. She doesn't think she can handle seeing that either.

So they keep working on the case, hoping that Deeks is still alive and that there's still something they can do to get him back. When Callen walks in and tells them Deeks is okay she feels a weight being lifted off her shoulders but they can't breathe in relief yet. They still need to solve this entire mess.

X

X

Kensi sighs in relief when she sees him right in front of her with nothing more but a few bruises. She almost hugs him but then she remembers his relationship with Detective Traynor. He just lost someone he cared about (she doesn't know if it was love or not) and it's not the time for her to be the caring person she never allowed him to see.

She sees how he defends Jess and how he punches the other Detective but the only thing she can do is look at him for a split second.

Callen sees the change in her behavior but doesn't say a word about it. He sees that she is staying as far away from Deeks as she can, probably because of Detective Traynor. He's sure she fails to notice that Deeks only calms down slightly when she says his name and touches his chest to make him move away from the other guy. That's the problem with Kensi. She's a great agent but she often misses things that are right in front of her when it comes to her own life. He just hopes she will open her eyes and see just how much Deeks cares about her.

Kensi sees how Deeks walks away and doesn't follow him. He needs his own space, right now. She's sure he doesn't need a pat on the back and a 'everything's going to be okay'. She knows how much it hurts to loose someone and how annoying it is to have someone telling you that when you know things will never be the same again. She leaves him alone and goes to the OPS center, trusting Callen and Sam to take him with them.

She doesn't think she can look into his eyes and see the hurt she's sure he's feeling for losing Jess Traynor. She can't do that because she's hurting just as much.

She has lost him a long time ago but this makes it more real. Knowing that he was seeing another woman just makes it real.

X

X

It's late when she hears a knock on her front door. She knows who it is because of the way he knocks.

It's always that tentative knock, just to check if she's still awake or already in bed. All her lights are off so she can easily pretend to be asleep.

But that's not who she is. Kensi gets up from the couch and walks to the door. She touches the doorknob and is about to open the door when she starts thinking about this whole situation. What if he's here looking for a friend? What if he just wants a shoulder to cry on because of Traynor's death?

She can't be his friend tonight. She can't let him cry on her shoulder because of this.

So she takes her hand off the door and slides to the floor. She sits with her back against the door until she hears him sigh and walk away from her house.

She only goes to bed when she hears his car leaving her street. She hates herself but what's the problem with being a little selfish once in a while? Why can't she refuse to see the man she's slowly falling for crying over another woman without feeling guilty about it?

With that thought in mind, she closes her eyes and tries to fall asleep. She will need strength for the days ahead…that much she's sure of.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

There's no awkwardness at work.

She wasn't expecting anything else, anyway. They're both good professionals and great liars. She pretends she's not hurt and that his past relationship with Traynor doesn't bother her, and he doesn't mention his visit to her house. It's a game they're both exceptionally good at. Pretending, that is.

Yes, pretending is a game for them but it's almost impossible to work like this for so long and not have it down as an art. It's either be good at pretending or be as good as dead. And the first choice is a lot better for everyone.

She tells him she needs his help with some art-related stuff.

He doesn't bat an eye and accepts the cards she gives him without asking why she needs to know all those things. It's what they do, or at least what they used to do. This thing, helping each other without asking questions the other might not want to answer, is a game they play all too well by now but for different reasons.

Kensi doesn't ask because she feels like she has no right to intrude in his personal life when she doesn't allow him to do the same with hers. Deeks doesn't ask because he knows she won't talk unless she really wants to. And when she wants to talk, she just does it without him asking her anything.

Or at least that's how it used to be like with them.

Now, it feels like everything's different.

Every single time she feels like getting closer to him she remembers Traynor and immediately backs off. He doesn't seem to notice this change in her behavior. If he does he doesn't say a word about it. She figures that he just chooses to ignore it because Deeks has always been able to pick up the slightest changes in her. She's almost sure that hasn't changed…unless he's so upset with Traynor's death that he doesn't think straight anymore.

But she'd rather not think about that.

She needs to focus on this lunch and on making this lie work.

She's lying to one of her best friends from childhood but she tells herself that it's for the best. The other woman can't know the truth. No one can know the truth. So they keep these well-elaborated lies in place in order to keep their jobs a secret. It's easier to keep peoples at arm's length like that, even though that's not why they do it. If no one can know the truth that means they can't let anyone get close enough to start wondering about those lies.

Now, when one starts developing certain feelings for a co-worker, things get a bit more complicated because there are no excuses to keep that person as far away as possible. That's partially her problem right now and that's why she's slightly relieved when Eric tells them they have a new case.

Her thoughts are far too messy for her to keep a lie in place right now.

X

They're pretending to work for an alarm's company when she is hit by a thought that terrifies her and almost paralyzes her because she shouldn't be thinking about _that._ She sees her partner interacting with a kid and starts thinking how good he is with kids. And what a great father he would be.

Why is she thinking about that? No, she has to focus on the task at hand and forget all about Deeks, his baby, her pregnancy scare and the endless possibilities that could have come with it. That's not what she's here to do. She's here to make sure this family is safe and that there's no reason to worry about them.

Yes, that's all she has to do right now. And it would be a lot easier if he didn't look so damn adorable while playing with a kid.

X

She sits on her desk in defeat. This night couldn't have gone worse. Her friend saw right through her lie and Hetty's words didn't offer her any comfort.

All she needs right now is to go home, take a nice warm shower and sit in front of the TV with some candies to keep her company and calm her down. She thinks she's alone but it doesn't surprise her when she hears Deeks sitting on the couch behind her.

"I'll take a wild guess and say that things didn't go that well with your friend."

Kensi sighs but doesn't turn back to him. "I think that a part of me already knew this was going to happen. It's been a hell of a week."

Deeks lets out a weak laugh. "Well, at least that's one less lie you'll have to keep in place. That's one less person you'll have to worry about."

This time, she turns to him. "Deeks, she was my friend. I just lost a friend. How can you think that this is funny?"

He gives her a small smile. "Kensi, it's funny because she wasn't your friend. Maybe she was you friend, but that was years ago…when you two were still kids. Right now, she doesn't know the first thing about you. And she could never know the truth about what you do. That's not a friend."

She sighs because he's right about that one and it only makes her feel worse. Deeks senses that and scoots closer to her, sitting right on the edge of the couch. "Look, I'm not trying to make you feel worse. I just want you to know that you have friends here who care about you, friends you can be yourself around. Those are the ones you need to hold onto."

Kensi nods and he pats her knee before getting up. "I'm going home. Do you need a ride?"

She shakes her head and watches him leave after saying good-night.

Why does he have to be so nice? Why does he have to make her fall even harder for him?

She needs to stay as far away from Deeks as possible right now. He just lost Traynor and she's still not sure if she can place all her trust on him after he left her with not even his number all those years ago.

No, she needs to keep him away from her mind and heart.

The problem is that those things are a lot easier to think about than to actually do.

**X**

**X**

**I don't know if you guys are aware of this or not but these chapters take some time to be written.**

**I think about every single one of them and then I have to find the right way to say whatever I want to say.**

**So I want to send a very special thank you to all of you who review my stories because it truly means a lot to me.**

**Keep reviewing and I promise I'll keep updating.**

**Believe me when I say that there's a lot more to come in this story.**

**Sarah**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Kensi gets out of the car in silence and walks to the bullpen. Deeks trails right behind her without saying a word because the truth is that this time he has no idea of what's going on with her. He usually knows why she stays in silence but this time he can't figure out why. She's been like this ever since they came back from the desert and there's something about her silence that tells him it's not the 'I'm so comfortable around you that I don't need to talk' silence. And he needs to know what's going on… he needs to know that now.

She sits on her chair and stares at her computer, not really doing anything. Deeks sits on his chair and looks at her, trying to read her. She knows he's watching her but she tries her best to ignore it. She doesn't really feel like talking to him right now. She just wants to forget the day they had. But Deeks is not the kind of guy who lets things go without trying as hard as he can to fulfill his goals. So he rolls his chair to her desk and gives her no other choice but to look at him.

"What do you want, Deeks?" And her tone gives away just how tired she is of this day and how much she wants to avoid this conversation. He almost gives up but his curiosity and worry for her win and he pushes her, though using a much gentler approach now.

"I'm just worried about my partner. You've been in silence for far too long. Is everything okay, Kenz?"

She just sighs and looks at him. "I'm just tired, that's all. There's no reason to worry about."

It's not exactly a lie because she really is tired but it's a half-truth. That's not the only reason why she's in silence but she hopes he'll be satisfied with that answer. He already has enough things on his mind. She's sure that, despite his goofy behavior and his constant smile, he's still bothered by Traynor's death. She doesn't want to be a problem to him, something he needs to fix. She's used to take care of herself by now.

However, he doesn't allow her to fool him that easily. "Let me decide if there are reasons to worry about or not, okay? And that 'I'm tired excuse' was a really bad one. If you're going to lie to me at least make an effort to sound a bit more convincing than that. So I'll ask again and, this time, tell me the truth. Is everything okay?"

Kensi sighs and looks away because his eyes seem to read her like an open book and that makes her slightly uncomfortable. "She's pregnant, Deeks."

Deeks frowns, not sure why that's bothering her this much. "I know that."

She shakes her head and looks back at him because he seems confused. "That kid's father is dead. He'll never know his son or daughter. That baby will never know his or her father. It sucks, you know?"

Deeks nods, still not sure of why this is bothering her like this. They've seen cases like this one before…Hell, they've seen far worst things happen. There has to be something else she's not telling him. "Well, I think it depends. I wouldn't have minded growing up without my dad."

Kensi lets out a dry laugh. "Deeks, no matter how much you hate your father right now at least you had one. And growing up with him made you become the man you are today. There's no way you can say that you'd be the person you are today without your father."

He thinks about her words and nods. "You're right. Is that what's bothering you this much? I'm just asking you this because you don't really seem like yourself and it kind of scares me."

She takes a deep breath and knows what she has to do. _It's now or never, Kensi. Be that girl who was raised in the middle of all those hardcore marines. _"A few years ago, I had a problem."

Deeks nods and waits patiently for her to continue. "I got involved with a man and a few weeks later I found out that my period was missing."

She stops for a second and takes a deep breath. Deeks doesn't say a word. He just waits until she's ready to go on because he knows that there are certain things that are hard to share and this feels like one of those things. "I couldn't call the guy because I didn't have his number so I had to go to the doctor with Callen and Renko. Renko used to work with me and Callen back in New York. And the only thing I could think about was that my kid would probably never know its father."

Deeks nods and feels like it's time to say something. "Who was the guy?"

He doesn't ask what happened because he's more worried with who it happened with. By his tone of voice, she has the feeling this talk is making him suspect there's something more than what she's letting on. She shakes her head and looks away, not sure if she can say the next sentence while looking at him. "I thought that I had gotten pregnant that night we slept together."

Deeks doesn't say a word and that scares her so she looks at him. He's staring at his hands with a look on his face she can't read. They stay in silence for a few seconds and he's the one who ends up being the first one to speak. "Were you…were you really pregnant?"

His voice is slightly shaky and she rushes into calming him down now. "No, Deeks, I wasn't."

She hears his sigh of relief and feels bad all of a sudden for making him go through this just a few weeks after the whole Traynor's death thing. It's not fair to him.

Kensi decides that there's nothing more to say and gets up. "I'm tired and in need of a nice warm bath. Good night, Deeks."

He looks up at her and nods. "Good night, Kensi."

And for now, that's the end of this conversation. But she has the feeling that this thing between them is far from over. There are too many words left unsaid and many things left undone.

But she needs to give him space and build back her trust for him at the same time. God, what a mess…

X

X

**Next on:**

_And she snaps. "Can you stop this madness once and for all? What's your problem? Can't you just let this one go?"_

_And Deeks does something she never thought he would do before storming away. He snaps at her. "Well, forgive me if I'm trying my best to think about anything but what you told me the other day!"_


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

The car ride back to the OPS center is filled with Deeks voice, who doesn't seem to want to shut up any time soon. After they come back from the jewelry store, Deeks decides to find a suitable nickname for Kensi but it's a lot easier said than done. And she hates every second of it.

The first few minutes she doesn't mind. It's just Deeks being Deeks and there's nothing she can do about it. Now, it's just a stab in her heart. She can't understand why he's trying so hard to come up with a nickname for her. It's not like they're together or anything like that. In fact, every single time he calls her sweetie or honey is just a reminder of what she doesn't have.

She's never been the type of girl to enjoy nicknames but she has to admit that those things sound rather good while coming out of Deeks mouth and referring to her. She allows a small smile to take over her features and realizes way too late that Deeks is looking at her with a goofy grin on his face.

"I saw that smile. It seems like I just found the right nickname for you, _princess."_ Kensi shakes her head and looks at him when she stops at a red light.

"What? I wasn't even listening to you."

He frowns, not entirely convinced of what she just said. "Then why were you smiling?"

She sighs and starts driving again when the light turns green. "I was just thinking about something else."

She can't look at him but she's sure his cocky grin is in place when he starts talking again. "Something else or someone else?"

Kensi shakes her head at his question. If only he knew…"I was thinking about how good it felt to stick my heel in your foot."

Deeks lets out a laugh. "You think that's funny, don't you?"

Kensi smiles this time, trying to focus on their playful banter instead of the thoughts that she's been having about her partner. "I think it was fair. You had no business being cheesy."

"I was playing the part of a loving boyfriend. It's not my fault that you have no idea of what that is. Besides, hurting me is like a sport to you, isn't it?"

Kensi takes a right turn, not following the way that leads to the OPS center. "You're not dumping me on the side of a desert road, are you?"

She takes a quick look at him and her smile gets wider. "As tempting as that sounds right now, no. I'm not going to dump you on the side of the road. I can't stand animal cruelty. I'm just hungry and there's a drive-through a mile away from here."

"I'm going to ignore the animal cruelty comment for the sake of our afternoon. I don't feel like arguing with my princess today."

Kensi gets in line to the drive-through and glares at him. "Don't call me that."

Her tone is one that would send the bravest of man running for cover but Deeks doesn't let that affect him. He knows she can't shoot him in her car so he's safe for now. He's always been the kind of guy to push his luck to a ridiculous extend, anyway. "Well, if you don't like princess we can try to find another one for you."

He pretends to think for a moment, his finger tapping against his chin. Then his eyes widen comically and she almost slaps him for his stupidity. She's not in the mood for his games and jokes today. "What do you think about 'cookie'?"

She frowns. "What kind of person calls cookie to another human being? That sound so wrong, Deeks."

"What's your problem with cookies? I love cookies, just so you know."

"Well, I love bullets but that doesn't mean I'm going to call someone 'bullet', right?"

Deeks smirks as soon as the words leave her mouth and she realizes what just came out of her mouth. She holds her hand up to stop him from talking. "Open your mouth to comment this and I swear I'll get my gun and those will be your last words. Do you understand that?"

Deeks nods, obediently. She lowers her hand and he opens his mouth to speak but she cuts him off. "I meant it, Deeks."

He laughs but doesn't give up. "I was just going to say that you don't have to call someone a bullet but I'm sure many men wouldn't mind if you called 'bullet' to a certain part of their…"

She cuts him off with a well-aimed punch in his thigh. "One more word and I'll aim higher."

He laughs and stays in silence, deciding that he can mock her for this one later on. He just has to wait until she's in a good mood. She's not having a good day, today. He has no idea why but he can't ask her either. It would be suicide.

So he orders some food too and the drive to the OPS center is filled with silence, mainly because he doesn't think that trying to talk to Kensi while she's eating and driving at the same time is safe. When she finally parks her car, Deeks continues their talk from earlier.

"Okay, so you don't like 'cookie'. What do you think about 'biscuit'?"

"God, that's so much worse. It seems like you're calling a dog. Trust me with this one, Deeks, never call that to anyone unless you're trying to get yourself killed."

However, he doesn't let this one go and Kensi knows she can't take much more of this. "That's it. From now on, I'm going to call you baby doll."

And she snaps. "Can you stop this madness once and for all? What's your problem? Can't you just let this one go?"

And Deeks does something she never thought he would do before storming away. He snaps at her. "Well, forgive me if I'm trying my best to think about anything but what you told me the other day!"

The only thing she can do is stay there, looking at the door he just walked through, without knowing what to do. She can't lose Deeks.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Kensi sits on her couch staring at the TV in front of her. She's not really paying any attention to it but the silence in the house is something she can't stand when her head is a mess like it is right now. Deeks snapped at her but she can't really blame him for it.

She had that one coming.

She doesn't even know why she told him about the pregnancy scare. It's not like it matters that much, anyway. She wasn't even pregnant to begin with. Why didn't she just keep her mouth shut? Now he's pissed at her and she has no one to blame but herself.

Though, she can't even understand why he cares about that. Maybe he's just letting go of some of the anger he has kept inside of him after Traynor's death.

She doesn't know what made him react like that but she figures it's not that important either. Everyone has the right to have a bad day.

Hell, she has horrible days every once in a while.

Then her phone rings, bringing her back to the reality and out of her thoughts. She glances at the caller ID and thinks about ignoring the call. But that would only make the situation worse and she doesn't want things to be awkward between her and her partner. So she grabs the phone and answers it.

"Hello?"

She hears his surprised tone, almost as if he was expecting her to ignore his call. _"Kenz…I'm happy you answered the phone!"_

Kensi lowers the volume of her television and lies back on the couch, sighing. "You're my partner. Why wouldn't I answer the phone?"

She hears his light laughter on the other end and can almost picture his small smile. _"I wasn't expecting you to answer. I was an idiot this afternoon and I had no right to snap at you like that. I've just been kind of nervous lately and you ended up seeing the end of it. I'm sorry, Kensi."_

She hears the sincerity in his voice and knows that he means every word of it. "Don't worry about it, Deeks. We all have bad days and we all react to it in different ways. Personally, I prefer to fill myself with sugar but it's not very healthy. If you're way to release all the emotions we have inside of us after a long day of work is snapping at me I'm okay with it. The only thing I ask you is to be understanding when I'm in the same condition."

Deeks laughs and she notices that it's more carefree now than what it was on the beginning of their talk. "_We've been over this one before, Kenz. Sugar is not your friend."_

She laughs with him and lets out a yawn that he hears. "_Go to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow morning, okay? Good night, princess."_

She doesn't know whys she doesn't protest when he calls her that. She tries to convince herself that she's just too tired to do that but the rational part of her brain keep telling her that she doesn't argue because it sounds too good coming out of his mouth.

Besides, she can tell he didn't use it in a joking manner. His tone seemed sincere, or maybe she's so tired that she's starting to see (hear) things where they don't exist.

Kensi figures that it's probably better to end this call as soon as possible. She tends to say things she doesn't want to when she's tired.

"Good night, Deeks."

X

After they wrap up the case, Kensi is getting ready to leave the bullpen. Callen and Sam left a while ago but Deeks is still sitting on his desk with some paperwork in front of him. She's about to put the last thing she needs on her bag when his voice stops her.

"How was it like?"

Kensi frowns and looks at him. "What are you talking about?"

He shrugs but doesn't look away from her. "How was it like to be raised by a marine?"

Kensi can't help but smile at his question because it brings up so many memories. She sits on her chair, looking at him. "My father was though…no one can deny that. After my mom left he had to raise me all on his own. I was three years old. He taught me everything."

He's smiling too, now. "But it must have been hard for you. I mean, I bet he wasn't all warm and cuddly."

She laughs at this one. "He wasn't but I didn't need him to be. The first time I went out with a boy he was so angry. He didn't want me to go. So I yelled at him and told him that if he didn't let me go out with this guy I would wear my shortest skirts for school for a month and my most revealing shirts. He looked at me and asked me if I wasn't scared to talk to a marine like that. I told him that the only thing that could scare me was the dark and there was plenty of light in the room. He laughed, patted me on the back and said 'that's my girl'. It's one of the last talks I had with him."

Deeks notices that the mood is changing to a darker one and scoots closer to her with his goofy smile in place. "I have to tell you something. I have no idea who asked you out but the guy had some balls."

She frowns and looks at him. "Why do you say that? I wasn't this scary when I was younger…"

"But your father was. It takes courage to ask a marine's daughter out. Besides, I think you've always been this scary but that's just my opinion. No one gets like this overnight."

Kensi smiles at him. "You think I'm scary?"

Deeks shakes his head and gets back to his desk to continue filling out his paperwork. "Don't' even go there."

Kensi laughs and looks at him for a few seconds. He feels her eyes on him and looks at her. "Do you need something?"

She takes a deep breath and smiles. "There's a small diner nearby that has the best pie you'll ever taste. Hetty won't mind if you only deliver that paperwork tomorrow. Do you want to keep me company?"

Deeks looks at his paperwork and then at her. "Well, it's either stay here all alone filling out paperwork or go with you to a diner and eat the best pie I'll ever taste. How am I ever going to be able to choose between those two?"

Kensi laughs and he gets up, following her out of the door and laughing with her.

**X**

**X**

**I know I'm taking baby-steps with Kensi and Deeks relationship but your wait will be over soon. Let's just say there's an M rated chapter coming soon.**

**Again, sorry for taking so long to update but from now on I'll only update my stories on Sunday because that's pretty much the only day I have with absolutely nothing to do.**

**Reviews, however, have the ability to make me want to update more often and I might publish a chapter in the middle of a week if I feel like it.**

**BTW, every reviewer will get a sneak-peak of the next chapter so it's up to you now.**

**Sarah**


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

"Can I ask you something?" Kensi looks up from the paperwork she's currently busy with to meet Deeks eyes. He seems to be thoughtful, or as thoughtful as one can look while keeping that goofy smile in place. She is not sure if she should allow him to ask anything. That face means that he is about to ask something she might not want to answer. And it would be fairly easy to avoid his always wondering mind. The only things she had to do would be tell him that she's busy with the huge amount of paperwork Hetty wants to see filled. It wouldn't exactly be a lie but they both know she can do more than one thing at the same time. She is perfectly capable of writing, reading and talking at the same time without hurting any of those tasks. So she just gets back to her paperwork with a nod.

"You can ask but I can't promise you I will answer it."

He sighs and she looks up for a second to see his not-so-pleased-with-her-answer face. "Why can't we have one talk in which you tell me the whole truth without holding back?"

Kensi keeps filling out her paperwork but answers him anyway. "Is that your question?"

He shakes his head, aware that she's not even looking at him. "No, I was just wondering. For some reason, every single time you think the talk is about to get somewhat serious you say that you can't promise you'll answer my questions. You've always been like that, or at least you've been like that ever since I first met you."

She looks up again, starting to get slightly annoyed with his questions. It was a long day and the only thing she wants right now is to go home and get some rest. Luckily, she's almost done with all those papers. Now, the night would be close to perfect if he realized that she's tired. "Do you want to ask me something or not?"

Deeks nods. "Yes…but it's a sensitive topic and I don't want you to snap at me and walk away."

Kensi sighs and puts down her pen, finally done with everything that needed to be filled out. "I won't snap and won't walk away, that much I can promise you. Now, do you want to ask it or not?"

Deeks nods and she sees that his smile is smaller now, almost as if he's afraid of what this question will do to them. "What happened to your previous partner?"

Kensi looks away from him for a few seconds. It happened a while ago but it still feels as fresh as it did months ago. It's hard to get through the death of a partner, especially a death they could have tried harder to avoid. But she knows she can't blame herself. She takes a deep breath and looks at Deeks again. "He was kidnapped."

Deeks knows he touched a sore spot and gets up from his chair to sit on the couch behind her. She turns to him with a sad smile on her face and trying to keep the tears at bay. "We agreed to go out at night because it had been a long time since we had had a team's night out. He never showed up."

A tear manages to escape and makes its way down her face but she continues. "We didn't think much of it because he didn't really like to go out. We had so much fun that night, which actually sounds wrong now that I think about it. We sang and danced…Callen and Sam singing is a sight worth seeing, trust me. I got so drunk that my head was pounding the next morning and Nate got so drunk that he was still drunk when he arrived at work the morning after."

Deeks pats the spot next to him on the couch, sensing that this story is not going to have a happy ending and that she took it pretty hard. She sits next to him, much to his surprise, and continues while staring at the wall. "We received a message sent by his phone to tell us he was in danger. We went to the place where he was taken and saw blood all over his car seats and broken windows. We thought no one could have survived that much blood-loss. But the blood wasn't his. We found out who had him but it was too late. By the time we got there he was already gone. It took us weeks to track him down again."

She pauses for a second to take a deep breath and another tear rolls down her cheeks. "We were already with him when he was killed. We were so close to save him that it just hurt more when Callen told me he was dead and that there was nothing else we could do. I stood in that rooftop for…well, I don't even know for how long. All I know is that Callen went there to get me and the rest of the night was a blur. The only thing I can remember is laying in my bed with Callen's arms holding me while I cried and Sam sitting next to us. It was awful."

And this time she can't stop the tears that start making their way down her face. Deeks feels bad for asking this but at least she's allowing him to see this side of her that she usually keeps so well-hidden. He tries to wipe her tears away but the second he touches her face she remembers Traynor. _He only asked because he was thinking about Traynor._

And that makes her get up and snap at him. "I don't need you to comfort me or to pity me. I've been taking care of myself for quite a while now, Deeks. Don't treat me like a damn damsel in distress."

With that, Kensi storms off leaving a confused Deeks sitting on the couch.

**X**

**X**

**I'm so sorry for my lack of updates. I wanted to update last Sunday but I had to face the death of a close family member and I couldn't. We knew she was going to die soon but we always hope we can have a few more days.**

**Sarah**


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Deeks walks inside the bullpen and frowns.

For some reason, there's no one around. Well, there are plenty of people around but none of them is a member of his team. It's weird because they just finished wrapping up a case and they should all be there filling out paperwork. He just went to take a quick shower, nothing else.

He starts walking around to see if he can spot them anywhere.

The first one he finds is Sam. He's upstairs, beating the crap out of the punching bag as usually.

Callen is in the shooting-range and Hetty is in her office.

The only member that remains missing is Kensi but he knows exactly where to find her. He walks inside the gym and smiles. She's working out, just like he knew she would. He stands there, looking at her with his goofy smile on his face.

Her voice makes him freeze for a second but he recovers quickly.

"Are you going to stand there all afternoon or are you thinking about joining me?"

Deeks walks in and dares to stand a bit closer to the place where she's beating the crap out of the punching bag. "I can think about an activity that could get us both sweaty and breathless but it doesn't involve a gym."

Kensi punches the bag a bit harder and glares at him. "This morning you were surprised when Sam told you I beat him with the knives. I was thinking you'd want to see how good I am with the knives with your own eyes. So how is it going to be? Are you going to change and accept the challenge or are you going to stand there and make dirty jokes?"

Deeks thinks about telling her he's too tired for that right now. It wouldn't be a lie because it was a long day and the only thing he wants right now is to go home and sit in front of the TV with an ice-cold beer in his hands, without having to do anything else but relax. But the idea of fighting with Kensi actually sounds appealing. Or maybe that's just because he doesn't mind staying in her company for a while longer instead of going home alone.

So he nods and walks to the changing room. He puts on a t-shirt and some shorts and walks back to the gym. Kensi is sitting on the floor, waiting for him. She gets up as soon as she sees him and they walk to the circle that is drawn on the floor. Kensi hands him one of the knives and gets ready to fight him.

"Just so you know, I'll go easy on you."

Kensi laughs. "I don't need you to go easy on me just because I'm a girl, Deeks."

Deeks frowns. "I'm not going to go easy on you because you're a girl. I'm going to go easy on you because you're my partner and because I care about you. And I have issues with hurting people I care about. It's a problem when it comes to dealing with you because sometimes I really feel like hitting you but I'm not willing to change that."

She looks at him, a bit surprised. "When do you feel like hitting me?"

He shakes his head. "I feel like hitting you whenever you're stupid or reckless. When you throw yourself in front of moving cars or jump in front of guys with guns I really feel like bending you over my knee and teach you not to worry me so much."

Kensi laughs this time. "Are we going to do this or not?"

Deeks nods and they start fighting, unaware of Callen and Sam standing on the doorway to see this one. It's not every day that one gets to see Kensi and Deeks fighting and both partners are rooting for Kensi to win this fight.

Deeks manages to shock her a few times but in the end she's the one with the upper hand. He says that she has the advantage of having a lot of practice with these things and this is the first time he's using them. She just laughs it off and shocks him again. In no time, she has him on the floor and is directly on top of him with the knife close to his neck and with a smirk on her face.

"Admit that I'm better than you and I'll let you go without shocking your precious little neck. How is it going to be?"

Deeks opens his legs and wraps them around her legs to stop her from getting up or moving at all. Callen and Sam share a knowing look and exit the room in silence with the feeling that they should give those two some privacy. "I think that soon enough you're going to be the one begging for mercy."

Before she can even think about answering him, Deeks flips them over and laughs. "Never underestimate the enemy, Kensi."

She drops the knife and looks into his bright blue eyes that always manage to make her knees go weak. Luckily, she's lying down and he can't see the effect his eyes have on her. "I didn't underestimate you. I went easy on you."

Deeks laughs and looks into those brown eyes he keeps losing himself into. They stay in silence, just looking into each other's eyes, for a few seconds. He starts leaning in and she closes her eyes. Deeks stops, just a few inches away from her mouth and she opens her eyes. His voice is no louder than a whisper when he speaks and she feels his hot breath tickling her lips. "I would have been there every step of the way, just so you know."

Then he starts leaning in once again but Kensi pushes him off of her and gets up from the floor because she knows exactly what he meant by that. And it's something she doesn't want to talk about. So she walks away from the gym, without looking back, and leaves a confused and frustrated Deeks sitting on the floor.

**X**

**X**

**Just so you all know I'm breaking a promise I did to myself right now.**

**I promised myself I would only update this story once a week but I just finished writing the M chapter today and I want to get to that soon. **

**Therefore, and seeing as we're still 6 chapters away from that one, I decided to speed things up a bit and give you an update.**

**Now, I want to offer you guys a deal. **

**As you all know by now reviews make me work harder and I could use the inspiration right now so here's the deal.**

**Less than 10 reviews on this chapter will grant you an update in a week.**

**Between 10 and 13 reviews, the update will be here in 4 days. **

**More than 14 reviews and you'll get to read the next chapter in two days.**

**It's a pleasure doing business with you, dear readers.**

**Sarah**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

"You used to trust me." Deeks looks up from the paperwork on his desk, surprised that she spoke to him after almost one hour of silence.

It was a hard day and a hard case that managed to bring up the trust issues between the two of them. And that's something they've been trying not to talk about for the past hour, ever since Callen and Sam left them alone in the bullpen.

Deeks frowns and goes back to his paperwork but gives her an answer anyway.

"I still trust you." Kensi stays in silence again and Deeks tries to focus back on his papers but he has the feeling that something's on her mind. He tries to let go of it but there was something on her one of voice that made him realize something wasn't right with her. So he looks up from his desk and looks at her. Kensi is looking at her computer and typing something on the keyboard but he can tell her mind is somewhere far away from there.

"Why would you think I don't trust you anymore?" She shrugs, not entirely sure if she wants to give him an answer to that question. But she's never been one to back down so she answers him, not taking her eyes off her computer.

"Do I need to remind you of the whole gun thing?" She's well aware that her voice comes out with a lot more anger than what she intended to but she's hurt. He used to trust her and for some reason she's pretty sure he doesn't anymore. And it hurts…it makes her angry. Deeks gets up from his chair and walks to her desk, leaning against it as soon as he reaches her.

"Just because I didn't let you fire my gun it doesn't mean that I don't trust you. I told you that I don't like people to touch my gun. It's not just you. I trust you, Kensi." Kensi looks at him, nods and gets back to her work. Deeks knows her better than that. He knows she's not convinced with his words so he grabs his gun and hands it to her.

"Here…take it." Kensi sighs but doesn't make a move to grab his gun. Instead she keeps her eyes trained on his hand, currently holding said object, and starts talking with a sad smile on her face.

"My mom left me and my dad when I was just a little kid. After that, my dad promised me he would always be there for me. He promised me he would never walk away and leave me all alone in the world. He promised me he would never do what my mom did. After that he taught me every single thing he could, just to make sure that I was prepared for any situation and to make sure that I would survive on my own, even though he would always be there for me. Or so he told me. One night I asked him to go to the movies with some friends. He said that I was too young to go out at night but I know that the real reason why he said that was because he didn't like my friends. They weren't marine brats which, in his book, meant that they were not a good company to me."

Kensi takes a deep breath and Deeks doesn't move. Just the fact that she's openly sharing something so personal with him makes him see just how much this whole trust issue is affecting her. She continues, still not taking her eyes off his gun.

"I decided that it was something worth fighting for so I sneaked out of the house after he went out with some friends and went to the movies with my friends. I had fun and went home. The next morning, I woke up with a knock on my door. I found it strange because it was very early. My father was usually already out of the house at that hour so I got up and went to open it. On the other side I found one of my father's best friends. He told me that his body had been found on the side of the road. I said I wanted to see it for myself but he said that it was so badly beaten up that they needed dental records to identify him."

Kensi takes a shaky breath and looks at Deeks for the first time since she started talking. "I know that it sounds highly irrational because he had no control over what happened to him but I felt like he broke his promise. It made it really hard for me to trust other people after that."

She pauses, giving Deeks the opportunity to say something, but he remains in silence. He doesn't know what to say to her. So she continues.

"It took me a whole year to trust Callen and about 14 months to trust Sam. Renko was a record to me. I trusted him in less than 6 months. But you were different. In less than a week, I already trusted you. I don't know why and I can't even try to explain it but that's the truth. That's why this is upsetting me this much, Deeks."

Deeks nods and she sighs. "You can keep your gun. I don't want to hold it…not while I'm not completely sure that you trust me as much as I trust you."

Deeks nods and puts his gun back in place, still speechless after what she just told him. Kensi starts getting ready to leave and Deeks starts doing the same, figuring that he's not going to be able to focus back on the job today. Kensi says goodnight and starts walking away but his voice stops her and makes her turn around.

"Would you have kept the baby?" And she doesn't even have to think about that answer.

"Yes, I would." Deeks nods and she walks away, not sure of why he asked her that question and slightly afraid to find out.

**X**

**X**

**Thank you all so much for the amazing reviews on my last chapter.**

**Here's the chapter, as promised.**

**At first I thought about doing the same deal once again but one reader told me that using reviews as bribery is wrong so I won't do it again. **

**I'll update in a week, as I used to do.**

**Sarah**


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

Deeks wakes up with the sound of his alarm clock ringing right next to his head and opens his eyes. The sun is as bright as usual and, as a true Californian boy, he can't help but smile. He gets up and lets out a yawn. This is going to be a good day. He doesn't know why but he just knows that this day is going to be one of those that are hard to forget for all the right reasons. But he also knows exactly what to do to make it a good day.

Kensi is a tough girl but he has never been one to quit when things get a little bit more complicated.

He knows she won't say that she still has feelings for him.

Yes, because he knows that her feelings for him used to be as strong as his were for her and the years they spent without contacting each other are years that they will never get back. He wishes he had given her his number.

The truth is that he tried to find her during months but she disappeared and he couldn't find her.

He refuses to waste any more time.

The first step is finding out if she still has feelings for him or not.

And he knows exactly what to do to find that one out.

For that, he's going to take advantage of the oldest trick in the book.

He's going to try and make her jealous.

He gets ready and grabs his phone. He dials her number and waits until she picks up.

"Deeks, it's still too early to go to work, don't you think?"

He smiles and starts walking to his car, locking the door behind him. "Good morning to you too, sunshine. Listen, can you give me a ride to work today?"

He hears her sighing on the other end. "Sure I can. I'll go and pick you up at your house in one hour."

He gets in the car but doesn't start it so she won't get suspicious. "Actually, I'm not home. I'll be in that park that is across from the coffee shop you love. Can you pick me up from there in one hour?"

He can hear how suspicious she is in her voice but she still agrees. "That's fine. I'll meet you there in one hour."

They hang up and Deeks starts driving to the park with a smile on his face, the plan perfectly formed on his mind.

X

Kensi is right on time but then again she's one of the most organized people he knows. Except, of course, when it comes to her house but that's a whole different story. She tries to hide her anger with a fake smile.

"You have got to be kidding with me? I thought you were having car trouble not that you wanted to use me as bait."

He tries to see the jealous part of her but Kensi Blye is not easy to read. "I'm not using you as bait. I'm using you as a wingman. That's what partners do."

"Do you have any idea how unprofessional this is?" There it is. It's not jealousy but it's something that is extremely close to anger and that's a step further.

"You should tell me." Kensi frowns but realizes what he's trying to do.

"Are you serious right now?"

"Don't stop. Keep telling me. Get mad, act like we're breaking up. Get angry. Ready to go?"

He knows he's pushing her to her limit but that's exactly what he wants. There's no other way to know if she has feelings for him or not. She's that hard to read.

"Are you for real?"

He nods. "Partner?"

She starts walking away angrily and he thinks he touched a weak spot but he keeps pushing. This is who he is. And he really wants to know the truth. He needs to know this as soon as possible.

"Oh come on, sunshine. Wait."

She surprises him with her next move. She actually plays along. She turns back to him and pretends to be angry.

He's not sure if she's pretending or not because she's a professional liar.

"Stay away from me! It's over. I can't do this anymore."

He smirks and looks at the girls that are now paying attention to their fight.

He couldn't care less about those girls.

The only one he cares about is currently yelling at him and she looks better than all of those girls put together, even though she's fully dressed.

Boy, he remembers their night together. He remembers touching every inch of her naked body and kissing her exposed skin. He remembers her moans, the way she moved beneath him while he made her writher in pleasure and he remembers the sweet kiss he gave her just before she fell asleep.

He knows that her memories from that night are more than a little foggy but his are in perfect condition and those are the images that made him go through some pretty rough operations.

Yes, just because she wasn't there to welcome him when he came back from one of those operations it didn't mean that she didn't help him.

So he continues their argument. "Listen I-I'm sorry, all right? I know that it's tough when I'm on the road all the time – with the band."

And by the look on her face he has the feeling that her next words are going to show just how pissed she is at him. "I don't care about that. You cheated on me…with my brother."

Then she starts walking to her car and Deeks shakes his head with a smile before starting to follow her. He can't see the jealousy on her eyes because she has her 'everything's okay' mask in place and doesn't allow him to see anything but that.

However, the way she walks to the car in complete silence tells him everything he needs to know. And that only makes his smile get even bigger.

**X**

**X**

**Here's your chapter.**

**But seeing as I love to tease you all a little bit I'll give you a small sneak-peak into the next one.**

_She lets a loud laugh and the last bit of his self-control flies out of the window. Deeks uses the hand resting on her head to pull her closer to him and she doesn't make a move to stop him when he leans in and connects their lips. The sweet flavor of her he had engraved in his mind is nothing when compared to how sweet she really tastes. Her lips are soft and warm against his and it feels so damn good that he tries to pull her even closer by wrapping one of his arms around her waist._

**Yes, I know that I'm mean.**

**Now, leave a review and I'll post the next chapter as soon as I can.**

**Sarah**


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

As he sees the car driving away with his partner inside of it, guns probably pointed at her, Deeks is sure he can't breath for what feels like hours.

It's only when Callen asks him what's going on that he forces himself to look away from the now empty road to give him an answer. This can't be happening, not to her. He would have happily gone in her place. It would sure be a lot better for his mental sanity.

He can't even think about the things they can do to his partner while he stands there, completely helpless.

Partner…God, things would be so much easier if he could think about her as just a partner.

He doesn't know exactly why he keeps trying so hard to deny his feelings for her. It's completely pointless and Deeks knows that the only person who has yet to see that is Kensi. He knows that because of the meaningful looks Hetty sends his way, because of Sam's smile whenever he sees them bickering and because of the big brother stare Callen keeps sending his way.

Kensi seems to be the only one who either doesn't notice or refuses to acknowledge it.

He wishes he could tell her…he really does.

The truth is that a lot of things would have been different if he had at least asked for her phone number all those years ago. He wouldn't have let her out of his sight.

Sure, he had a brief fling with Traynor but it ended right after the first time they had sex. Her skin wasn't as soft as Kensi's, her eyes were not the right shade of brown, her curves were not as tantalizing as the ones he desperately wanted to see beneath him and her moans didn't have the effect Kensi's had had on him. He ended it right after that, convinced that there was no way he could ever be with someone other than the stubborn brunette that had warmed her way into his heart without even noticing.

He had relationships before Traynor, of course, but nothing too serious. And it usually ended right after they had sex for the first time, for some reason.

Deeks has no idea of how he manages to drive all the way back to the headquarters. His mind is filled with images of her and the worst-case scenarios keep making him shudder. He lets out a sigh as soon as he parks on his spot and gets out of the car as fast as he can, following Callen and Sam inside.

When he sees her, looking so fragile and in need of rescue, his heart clenches and the only thing he can think about is that he's not going to rest until he manages to get her out of there and hold her in his arms, just to make sure that she's safe.

X

As soon as the man tells him where Kensi is Deeks climbs up the stairs two steps at the time to get there as fast as he can. The sooner he gets to her the better for all of them. The need to confirm that she's safe and unharmed makes him run faster than before. Her voice calling his name stops him as soon a she opens the door. The sound of her voice alone is enough to make him want to gather her in his arms and hold her to him until he's sure she's not scared anymore.

"Turn off the lights."

He honestly hopes she can't tell how much the sight of her surrounded by those laser-beans scares him because he needs her to remain calm. The solution he comes up with is probably not the best one and he seriously hopes she tells him she'd rather wait for the bomb-squad. She surprises him by agreeing with his idea, showing him just how desperate she is to get out of there. So he does what she wants without questioning her. It doesn't feel like the right time to play the over-protective partner card.

Deeks forces himself to tear his eyes away from her body when she bends in a way that makes him want to tear all her clothes off and have his way with her but this is neither the time nor the place. Because the truth is that his partner, this amazingly beautiful strong woman, is scared right now and he has never seen her scared. It's a look he'll never forget. It's a look that makes him want to wish with all his mind that those guys had taken him instead of her for the millionth time today.

When it comes down to the last beam and he sees that he can't reach it, Deeks puts his gun away and stretches his hands for her to take. It's the ultimate proof of trust. Can she trust him enough to willingly put her life on his hands?

It surprises him when she does just that without even hesitating for a second.

He holds both her hands tightly as they count to three. He hopes this works because either he dies with the explosion or he'll never forgive himself. This has to work. She's weak from being in the same position for so long so he can't let her go. He has to be the one to take her out of there.

When they reach the 'three' he pulls her into his arms and launches himself backwards as fast as he can, making sure that she lands on top of him and that her head is safely tucked in between his neck and shoulder.

He lands rather hard on the floor but the pain of the impact is softened because she's in his arms, safe and sound. Deeks ignores Sam's voice on his earpiece because she lifts her head from his shoulder with a grateful smile on her face. He tucks a strand of hair behind her ear so he can look into her eyes. He ignored Sam but he can't ignore Callen when he does the same thing the other man did before.

"We're good."

She breaks the silence between them with a much bigger smile on her face now. "I need to pee."

"I think I just did."

She lets a loud laugh and the last bit of his self-control flies out of the window. Deeks uses the hand resting on her head to pull her closer to him and she doesn't make a move to stop him when he leans in and connects their lips. The sweet flavor of her he had engraved in his mind is nothing when compared to how sweet she really tastes. Her lips are soft and warm against his and it feels so damn good that he tries to pull her even closer by wrapping one of his arms around her waist.

However, as soon as she feels his hand touching her back, Kensi seems to wake up from her daze and pulls away from him. She gets up and he does the same without saying a word. He's not sure of what to say, anyway.

They stand there in silence, looking at each other. She brings her hand up and touches her lips, almost as if she is trying to see if it was a dream or if it really happened. Then she looks at him and turns around, walking away in Callen and Sam's direction.

Deeks follows her without saying a word. He can't figure out what to say to her.

**X**

**On the next chapter:**

_Deeks nods and she smiles softly before starting to walk once again._

_Deeks walks with her, not sure of what he's supposed to say or do. She trusted him enough to share something as personal as this with him, something that not even Sam knew about her._

_But Kensi surprises him once again._

_She reaches for his hand and intertwines their fingers._

_Deeks squeezes her hand gently and smiles, even though she's not looking at him._

_As they walk to her house hand-in-hand, wrapped up in a comfortable silence, he can't help but feel like this is meant to be. This is right where he belongs and that has never been clearer in his mind._

_When they finally reach her house, Kensi turns to him with a soft smile on her face._

**I'm a tease…I know.**

**Review and I'll post the next chapter a week from now.**

**Sarah**


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

It was a strange and hard day to say the least.

Marty Deeks never thought that his day would turn out to be such an odd one.

He could almost smell Christmas and his well-deserved time off as soon as he woke up that morning. Now, what he didn't know back then was that they would be forced to work on a case that would make Kensi dive into old painful memories.

He had to witness, along with Callen and Sam, as she broke down while interrogating the only witness of the crime they were investigating and also the only suspect so far, a man suffering from PTSD. The tears in her eyes almost made him run to her and hug her tightly to him until he was absolutely sure she wasn't sad anymore. That's his normal reaction to her sadness. It's not something he sees in her face very often but it kills him every single time it happens.

But he couldn't do something like that.

It would have been completely unprofessional; even though he was sure the other two members of the team had the urge to do the exact same thing. They are like big-brothers to her and would both jump and defend her against anything without even thinking twice about it.

Sam seemed to be as clueless about the whole thing as he was but Callen didn't seem surprised. In fact, the way his jaw tightened and his fists clenched were a clear indication that this story wasn't strange to him. This should make him jealous but he does the math in his head and figures Callen was already familiar with Kensi back then. And it's good to know Kensi had someone there for her, even before he came along.

During the day he saw as his partner got closer to that man, too close for his liking even. But he didn't say a word about it once again because, even though it was kind of a strange sight to witness, he had the feeling that she needed that.

She never got the closure she needed when it came to Jack so the wrap up of this case might be something pretty similar to closure for her. She needed to get to the bottom of this case, no matter what. He had never been in a situation like this one before so he didn't know how she felt. However, it must have hurt because Kensi Blye is not the kind of girl who cries over nothing.

When he saw her trying to fight against the PTSD guy (he doesn't even bother remembering his name) and saw how he hit his partner on the head he acted based upon his fear of losing her.

After they finally close the case he asked her to join him on his Christmas plan.

He could almost hear the 'no' coming out of her mouth and an 'I prefer to spend the evening alone with some ice cream, a cold beer and my TV'. So he was pleasantly surprised when she accepted his offer with a smile when she wasn't even aware of what exactly his plans for the evening included. And her smile only got bigger when they reached their destination.

Now, they are walking slowly towards her house.

She told him that she felt like walking home and, even though her house is 7 miles away, he could never say no to her. The night sky is clear and the temperature just right for a walk so he doesn't mind it that much and does it without complaining.

The truth is that he would have walked with her anyway, even if it was raining hard and the temperature outside as cold as the one inside a fridge just to be with her for a little while longer. The silence between them is confortable but she breaks it with a sigh.

He looks at her and speaks for the first time since they started walking.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He knows she's probably going to use her famous 'I'm fine' card but he has to ask anyway. But it seems like this is the night of surprises because she looks at him and stops walking. They're a mile away from her house, close to a park that is desert at this hour on Christmas night.

"I met Jack when I turned 18 years old. He was sweet and kind with me. I felt kind of lonely without my father so I got close to him. One thing led to another and two years later I was engaged. Then he was deployed and when he got back, even before he was diagnosed with PTSD, I knew I didn't love him or at least not nearly enough to marry him. The only reason why I was with him was because he reminded me of my father."

She pauses, taking a deep breath but not breaking the eye contact between them. They are just standing there and the few people that occasionally show up on the street probably think they're crazy but they're both way past caring at this point. People can think whatever they want to. In fact, people should mind their own damn business.

She continues sharing the painful memory with him. "I was going to break up with him. But then he was diagnosed with PTSD and I had to stay…I had to take care of him. When he disappeared everyone thought my sadness was because he left. But that wasn't exactly true. I was sad because he didn't say a damn thing. I valued his friendship and he left without a word. It felt like betrayal to me and that's why it hurt so much."

Deeks nods and she smiles softly before starting to walk once again.

Deeks walks with her, not sure of what he's supposed to say or do. She trusted him enough to share something as personal as this with him, something that not even Sam knew about her.

But Kensi surprises him once again.

She reaches for his hand and intertwines their fingers.

Deeks squeezes her hand gently and smiles, even though she's not looking at him.

As they walk to her house hand-in-hand, wrapped up in a confortable silence, he can't help but feel like this is meant to be. This is right where he belongs and that has never been clearer in his mind.

When they finally reach her house, Kensi turns to him with a soft smile on her face.

"I know you think I'm crazy but I'd like to show you my Christmas tradition now. I have plenty of ice cream and beer. Do you want to join me?"

Deeks offers her his goofy smile. "Ice cream and beer sound pretty appealing right now, actually."

Kensi unlocks the door and pulls him inside with her. He chooses a DVD from her ridiculously good collection while she retrieves the ice cream and the beer from the kitchen. She hands him a spoon and a beer and settles the ice cream on the couch, between the two of them.

Three hours, 6 beers and two bowls of ice cream later they find themselves fast asleep on her couch, her head resting on his chest and his arm wrapped around her.

On the TV, her favorite movie continued to play, not aware of the lack of assistance.

"_Look Doris, someday you're going to find that your way of facing this realistic world just doesn't work. And when you do, don't overlook those lovely intangibles. You'll discover those are the only things that are worthwhile."_

**X**

**X**

**Next chapter will be rated M so please don't read if you're offended by that content or under the proper age to read such a thing. **

**Here's a small sneak-peak:**

_Yeah, there's definitely something in her eyes that she's trying to hide from him and she's actually being successful. "So if I showed up at your door in my LAPD uniform, you'd be strong enough to resist me?"_

"_I have this little thing called self-control. It takes more than that to make me jump you!"_

_And the opportunity is just too good to ignore. The words are leaving his mouth before he even has the time to think things through. "What would make you jump me?"_

**Now, I'm feeling nice today so we're going to play the review's game again.**

**Less than 12 reviews will make me update in a week or longer.**

**In between 12 and 20 reviews you'll get your update in exactly 5 days.**

**From 20 to 25 reviews, the update will come in 4 days.**

**From 25 reviews up you'll read it in 3 days.**

**If I receive more than 30 (which I doubt) you'll read it in only two days.**

**I know I shouldn't use reviews as bribery but it seems to be the only way to receive some feedback. The review doesn't need to be a nice one, as long as it is honest. That's what makes people improve their work and push themselves to become better.**

**Sarah **


	26. Chapter 26

**AN: **_First of all, thank you all so much for taking your time to review my last chapter. However, I feel like I need to make some things clear here. When I said 30 reviews, I didn't mean 30 review from the same person. That was not exactly what I was aiming for. So, dear reviewer who took the time to leave me 30 reviews with nothing but 'Great Chapter', even though I appreciated the gesture, that was a bit of a loss of your time and mine because I had to delete them. I wanted feedback, something to help me improve. I can't see how 30 reviews with nothing but 'Great Chapter' can help me improve my skills. _

_Someone asked me how many more chapters we have left. Currently, I have only two more chapters fully ready to post but we have 9 more chapters to go. That's nine more chapters in which anything can happen…_

_Now, on to another subject. I have no idea of when I'll be able to update. School is coming to an end before Christmas break and I'm sure every student out there understands when I say that I will be literally running back and forth to deliver papers, do tests, study and find a way to still spend some time with my friends, family and boyfriend. So, while I can promise you I will definitely post the next chapter before Christmas, I have no idea of when will that be. _

_To the readers who read all my stories and not just this one, stay tuned because there will be something new coming up really soon._

_If you're still reading this note it's time to stop and read the M rated chapter I've been teasing about for over a month. _

_Enjoy ;-) _

**Chapter 26**

"You're an idiot!" Deeks looks at her, shocked that she spoke to him for the first time since they started working on this paperwork almost one hour ago. When it registers in his mind what she said he frowns.

"Where did that come from?" Kensi shakes her head and turns back to her paperwork. He looks at her for a few seconds because he knows exactly what's going to happen. He knows her that well. She is trying not to say anything else but he knows it's just a matter of time before she breaks down and tells him what's on that mind of hers. And Kensi doesn't disappoint. She looks back at him with a look he can't quite read and he almost smiles at her predictableness.

"Do you think that it's normal to give your number to a complete stranger?" So that's what this is all about…He knew it. He just knew that there was something on her mind. She has been way too quiet for way too long.

"I didn't give her my number." He states, matter-of-factly.

"The only reason why you didn't was because I wouldn't let you." She says that as if it is the most obvious thing in the whole wide world. He's sure she doesn't realize how that comes out and he can't help but smirk.

"Are you jealous, partner?" He puts some stress into the word partner, showing her that he finds that word ridiculous to describe her and that he's seeing the jealousy in her eyes.

"Don't be stupid. I just think it's dangerous…that's all." She puts on her 'I'm-a-professional' mask that can fool anyone but him. Deeks decides to push her just a little bit further.

"So it has nothing to do with her checking me out, then?" He swears he saw her eyes get a shade darker but she recovers quickly and no one would be able to see it.

"She wasn't checking you out. She was wondering how it is possible for a guy like you to become a cop." That's the Kensi he knows so well. She tries to hide behind those insults, even though they both know she doesn't mean a word of what she says.

"Why can't you just admit that chicks dig cops?"

"It has nothing to do with chicks digging cops."

"I think it has. No woman is capable of resisting a man in a uniform."

She lets out a small laugh and tries to hide something in her eyes, something that he doesn't react quickly enough to read. "I'll tell you this once more, Deeks. Men in uniform are kind of an over-rated thing."

Yeah, there's definitely something in her eyes that she's trying to hide from him and she's actually being successful. "So if I showed up at your door in my LAPD uniform, you'd be strong enough to resist me?"

"I have this little thing called self-control. It takes more than that to make me jump you!"

And the opportunity is just too good to ignore. The words are leaving his mouth before he even has the time to think things through. "What would make you jump me?"

He excepts her to snap at him, to yell and punch her way out of the office but she surprises him. Kensi shakes her head with a smile on her face and gets up after getting her bag and jacket.

"Good night, Deeks."

He laughs at her timing and watches her leave.

"Good night, Kensi."

**X**

She wakes up with the annoying sound of her cell-phone ringing. Kensi looks at the caller ID and lets out a groan. She should have guessed. "You do know it's 10 a.m. on a Saturday, right?"

God, she can almost hear his smile through the phone and she knows she's doomed when she can pin-point exactly what kind of smile he's wearing just by his voice.

"Come on…open the door, lazy-ass!"

She frowns, even though he can't see her. "You're outside my house? Shouldn't you be at the beach, surfing and checking out blond bimbos?"

He lets out a small laugh before answering her. "Do you always wake up in such a good mood on Saturdays?"

"Only when an idiot calls me and wakes me up…" Her answer is meant to show him she's not happy with his call when in fact she can't picture a better way to start her day. Yeah, she's doomed alright.

"I'm still waiting outside your house. Your neighbors are starting to give me funny looks. What the hell is taking you so long?" Of course, he is giving a show to her neighbors. She gets up and starts getting dressed.

"I'm getting dressed. Give me a minute."

"Don't bother getting dressed on my account. I don't mind." She ignores his comment and goes into the bathroom.

"I'm going to hang up now. Give me a minute to brush my teeth."

"Be quick, please." She hangs up and sighs. What is he doing outside her house on a Saturday?

**X**

"Have you completely lost your mind?" That's the only reaction she is capable of giving him. He's completely gone crazy. There's no other way to explain why he's standing outside her house on a Saturday wearing a ridiculous big grin and his LAPD uniform.

"Good morning to you too, sunshine." When he makes no move to get inside her house she almost loses her mind.

"You can't stay there, on my front-law, in your uniform. What will people think?" Deeks finally walks to her door and stops an inch away from her, so close that she could smell the sweet scent of coffee in his breath.

"They'll think you're a normal person who has problems with the authorities."

"They think I'm a high-school teacher, Deeks." There's a small part of her brain that warns her that her voice came out as a whisper and that her eyes are beginning to close, not bearing the intensity of his blue eyes.

And that's alright because his voice comes out as a whisper too and she's sure his eyes are not fully open either. "I can assure you high school would have been way cooler if I'd had a teacher as hot as you are."

She lets his comment slide and tries once again, noticing that his closeness is taking way the steadiness in her voice that comes out slightly shaky. "What are you doing here dressed like that, anyway?"

He puts both hands on her waist and walks her backwards until they're both inside her house and closes the door with his foot. "You said men in uniforms have no effect whatsoever over you. I'm simply testing that theory."

Kensi is painfully aware that they're reaching the point of no-return but she doesn't have it in her to stop this anymore. However, she still tries to fight back. "This is ridiculous."

He doesn't seem to bite it, though, and backs her up against the nearest wall. She opens her eyes when his hand makes its way under her shirt and connects with the warm skin of her lower-back. The intensity of his blue eyes makes something inside her snap, a fire she has never felt burning so strong before. "Then why do you look so worked up?"

And that does it for her. As soon as the words leave his mouth, her lips connect with his and the world stops spinning for what seems like an eternity. His lips are soft against hers, his hand so warm she wonders if it will melt her skin off. If she were one to believe in Heaven, she would believe she had died and gone there. Or maybe it could be Hell because the way she makes him feel has to be a sin. Then he's kissing her back with such passion, such intensity that she thinks she would rather die from lack of oxygen than let him break the contact between them.

He doesn't seem to want that to happen, though, and pulls back when air becomes an issue for both of them. He looks into her eyes and she knows what he's doing. He's searching for a sign that she wants to stop, a sign that she doesn't want this. But she can't give him any. He sees that and before she knows it his lips are back on hers. Deeks grabs her thighs with both hands and hoists her up until she wraps her kegs around his waist and allows him to carry them to the bedroom.

Their clothes are shed in record time but he takes his sweet time kissing every inch of her skin, touching the exact places that only make that fire burn brighter. She wonders how he knows exactly where to touch her but then she remembers this is not the first time this happens.

The next words leave her mouth before she has the time to stop them or think them through, while his lips are doing wonders on her neck. "That night…do you remember it?"

She lets out a moan when he bites on her sweet-spot and she's sure she's going to have a hickey tomorrow but she doesn't have it in her to care. He looks at her and his eyes are dark with lust. "I remember every second of it. I remember how you moaned, how you touched me, how you writhed beneath me when I did _this…"_ One of his fingers flicker her clit and she reacts just like he knew she would. She moans and writhers beneath him, making him lose his mind.

Then no more words are needed. He plays her like a piano and for a while she can't do anything but moan and hold onto him, too wrapped up in pleasure to do anything else. When they become one, he whispers sweet nothings in her ear, tells her she's beautiful, and she kisses him with all her mind, trying to show her the things she can't bring herself to say out loud. They both know that tomorrow things will be different, that this night might be the only one they will have. So they make the most of it. He moves gently inside of her until she gets used to the feeling of having him in her then harder and faster when she urges him to do so.

She screams his name when she reaches her orgasm and that is so damn hot he can't hold his at bay for any longer, no matter how much he wants to push her over the edge over and over again. He pulls out of her when he's strong enough to do so and tries to catch his breath after laying on his back on her bed.

Deeks knows her brain will start working as soon as she gets past the fog in her mind and he desperately wants to stop it but he doesn't know how to. He knows they will have to talk about it, knows that things might get awkward soon. But she surprises him once again.

Before he knows it, she's curled up against his side, her head on his chest and a content smile on her face. "Let me know when you're ready for round two."

And he flips her over with a smile, making her laugh, showing her just how ready he is.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

Kensi gets out of the shower and wraps her warm fluffy towel around her body before walking to her bedroom to get dressed. Her cell-phone is ringing on her bedside table and she's not surprised to see his name flashing on the screen.

He doesn't give her time to greet him and starts talking right away. "Are you awake, yet?"

Kensi feels like rolling her eyes but it's pointless because he can't even see her. "I'm answering the phone so I'm obviously awake, don't you think?"

He doesn't ignore the sarcasm in her voice, knows her too well to do that. And she can hear the smile in his, despite the early hour. It's not even 10 a.m. and he's already up and fully awake. "And you're in a good mood once again, I see. I'm outside your house. Can you open the door, please?"

Kensi can't say no to that, not after what happened between them just the day before. "Just give me a minute. I just got out of the shower."

In any other situation he would make some sort of comment on that but he doesn't this time. It's too dangerous. "Take your time."

**X**

Kensi puts on a pair of jeans, ties her air in a lose ponytail, throws in a shirt into that mix and she's ready to open the door. They're partners and she tries not to let him see how nervous she is with having him here once again when they don't even work today. "I was expecting to see you in another uniform to keep testing your brilliant theory."

Her comment has the desired effect and brings a goofy grin to his face. Deeks takes off his sunglasses, hands her one of the coffees in his hands and kisses her forehead before walking inside her house. He started kissing her forehead as greeting a couple of weeks ago and she never tried to stop him, no matter how intimate that gesture looked. Kensi closes the door behind her and walks to the kitchen, followed by him.

"No, that would be mean of me. Besides, I'm pretty sure I proved my point yesterday. Twice, if I'm not mistaken..."

Kensi ignores the smirk on his face and grabs a left-over donut from the day before. "Okay, so I have a weakness. What's the big deal?"

Deeks sits on one of her kitchen chairs and she recognizes the look in his eyes as one that means trouble to her side. "What exactly is your weakness?"

Kensi takes a bite out of her donut and hands him another one left in the box with a warning glare on her face. "Don't push it, Deeks."

He takes the donut and shakes his head, the smirk never leaving his face. "No, I'm serious. Is it the uniform or just me?"

She knows the answer to that but it's too dangerous. She can't really give him an honest answer to that question. So she tries to avoid it, not sure if it's going to work because she knows how insistent Deeks can be. "You're pushing your luck."

He doesn't give up, like she knew he wouldn't. "I'm serious, Kensi. If my memory serves me correctly, this isn't the first time we've slept together. And there was no uniform involved all those years ago."

He makes a valid point with that one but she has not run out of arguments to avoid an answer quite yet. "Do I need to remind you that last time I was so drunk I can barely remember what happened?"

He shrugs and she knows this talk is not over yet. "Details…it still doesn't change the fact that we've slept together before."

Kensi finishes her donut and shrugs too. "Well, it's your fault."

The smirk on his face gets even bigger, something she didn't think it was possible. "I would argue with that because we both know it takes two but that's one thing I'll happily take the blame for."

She sits on the chair across from him and sighs, the smile gone from her face. "We work together."

Deeks nods and drops the smirk too. "I'm aware of that. Is this when the serious talk begins?"

She nods and looks straight into his blue eyes. "Yes, because we need to have this talk and you know that as well as I do."

Deeks lets out a sigh and points out the obvious. "Look, we're not exactly two teenagers trying to get some. We're adults. We know what we do and we're responsible enough to deal with the consequences of this with maturity. There's no reason to make a big deal out of it."

Kensi nods to agree with him and adds something more, even though the next words kill her. "It can't happen again. We're partners and the guys would figure it out in less than two minutes. We need to be professional."

She half-expects Deeks to fight that and is slightly disappointed when he nods in agreement. "I'm with you on that one. To be honest with you, this is the first time I actually feel welcome on my work place. You guys are like a family and I'm starting to feel a part of that tight group. I would hate ruining that because of sex, as mind-blowing as it is."

Kensi understands this better than anyone else. She was like that too before she met Callen and Sam. And they are her family too. "So we agree that we can deal with this and that it can never happen again, right?"

Deeks nods with a small smile on his face. "Absolutely…things are fine the way they are. There's no reason to change a thing and bring sex into this equation would only make a mess out of everything."

She's not sure if she's trying to convince him or herself with her next words but it doesn't matter either. "We're friends and we're partners. Things are great, right now."

Deeks nods and his face turns serious all of a sudden. "You know, the funny things is that we weren't safe this time either."

Kensi didn't even think about that but it's okay this time. "I'm on the pill so it's okay."

Then he frowns. "Why weren't you on the pill, back then?"

She lets out a small laugh before answering him. "That's actually a funny story. A few weeks before I went undercover, I got shot. The pain killers worked better after I stopped taking the pill."

Deeks can barely believe what she just said. "I can't see how a story where you get shot can be funny."

Kensi shakes her head. "It was just on the shoulder. A very small thing, if you ask me. So small, in fact, that I went undercover just a month later."

He sighs and gets up from the chair. "A story where you get shot doesn't seem like a good one to me. Anyway, I have to get going. I promised my mom I would have lunch with her today. I'll see you tomorrow, Kenz!"

And with that much said, he drops a kiss on the top of her head and leaves, not knowing that she's inside thinking how can she be this stupid.

**X**

**Somehow, this week has been a really good one for me to write. Whenever I get a free minute, I start to write and just can't seem to stop.**

**My little brother got over his obsession with High School Musical. Unfortunately, that means that he has a new obsession: SpongeBob. There's something seriously wrong with that kid and my twin and I are going to try to fix that during our Christmas break. Maybe a 'Harry Potter' marathon will do the trick. Anyway, that means I have to find a way to block SpongeBob from my head every single afternoon.**

**Therefore, I have great news for all of you who like my stories.**

**I already have all the chapters of this story written.**

**I have three chapters written for a new Kensi/Deeks story that I will hopefully start posting here on the beginning of January.**

**I have two chapters of yet another story ready to post and will probably start it on January too.**

**I have 8 one-shots to post whenever I feel like it.**

**I have absolutely no idea of what's going on inside my head but it has to stop at least until Christmas because I have a paper due tomorrow, another one due Friday, two tests this week and homework to finish.**

**Reviews are love, dear readers.**

**Sarah**


	28. Chapter 28

**Warning: **This chapter is not rated M because it doesn't have explicit content but there are some mentions of it that might offend some people. So, keep in mind that it's borderline M. That's all I' saying. Read at your own risk.

**AN: **I'm sorry it took this long for this chapter to come out but school was a bitch to me the past week. I will be out for the holidays this Friday but I have no idea if that's good or bad for you guys. That means that my family is coming here to celebrate the holidays. That means that the time to update will be kind of scarce. Anyway, I want to get at least two more chapters out before the end of the year but I will make no promises. Now, enjoy your chapter and don't forget to review.

**Chapter 28**

Kensi is sitting on her living room couch after the long day she just had, a beer in her hands and the TV turned on her favorite show. She's not paying much attention to it but it doesn't really matter that much.

She's painfully aware that the only thing she can think about is Deeks and his very hot naked chest that she saw during today's operation.

He had to remove his shirt after they pretended he'd been shot and she is pretty sure she stared.

But what sane woman on earth could blame her for it?

The man had the body of a God.

And he didn't even work out that much. Sure, they all spend some time at the gym every once in a while and she knows he goes for a run every single morning but that body is just sinful.

It makes her think about things she shouldn't be thinking about.

Kensi drinks a bit of her beer, trying to cool down, hoping that it will calm down her racing mind.

It doesn't work.

She desperately wants to run her hands all over that six-pack. She wants to kiss every inch of his exposed torso.

Hell, she wants to see those muscles twitching as he makes her writher in pleasure.

Kensi shakes her head violently at that last thought.

No…they agreed it couldn't happen again.

They're both adults who can deal with their emotions, not two teenagers who are just looking forward to get in each other's pants.

It's ridiculous to think about her partner like this, the man who works by her side every single day.

She tries as hard as she can to focus on something else but, as the models on the show start trying on different clothes, she starts thinking about the way Deeks took off her own clothes that night.

She starts thinking about how his fingers touched every inch of her.

_He doesn't seem to bite it, though, and backs her up against the nearest wall. She opens her eyes when his hand makes its way under her shirt and connects with the warm skin of her lower-back. The intensity of his blue eyes makes something inside her snap, a fire she has never felt burning so strong before. "Then why do you look so worked up?"_

Kensi feels the familiar warmth spreading through her body and shakes her head once again.

Why is this so hard?

Why can't she just take him out of her mind?

She wishes she could just press a little button and pretend this whole thing never happened. But she can't even look at her own bed without imagining him there, by her side, on top of her, beneath her…

God, she's a mess.

The doorbell rings, snapping her out of her thoughts.

Kensi gets up from the couch, hoping that it won't be Deeks on the other side of the door.

She could handle anything but that right now.

Besides, she's not sure she would be able to trust herself around Deeks with her mind working like this.

As soon as she sees who's on the other side, with a six-pack in his hands and burgers, she flinches.

But it's too late.

She can't ignore him now.

He already knows she's there so there's no point pretending otherwise. That would only lead to an insane number of questions from him, questions she doesn't really feel like answering at the moment.

So, against all her instincts that warn her to keep that door closed (and by extension, her legs too) she opens the door with a smile on her face, taking the beer from his hands. Deeks doesn't seem to notice how nervous she is just because of his presence.

Or, if he does, he doesn't say a word about it.

He just walks in and closes the door behind him.

They sit on the couch and start eating their burgers.

He's the first one to break the silence. "Today was a hard day for Sam. Do you think he'll be okay?"

Kensi shrugs and takes a sip of her beer. "Sam is not alone, you know? He has a family who loves him. They don't know everything but I'm pretty sure he knows he can count on them for everything. They will be there for him to make him forget his problems at the end of a long day."

Deeks nods and they eat the rest of their meal in silence, watching television.

She has no idea of what's going on through his mind but the thoughts running through hers are anything but okay.

She has to stop.

She can't keep thinking about her partner like this, much less when he's sitting right beside her, on her couch, with her bedroom just a few feet away.

This is dangerous.

She's so worked up that one look from him would be her undoing.

And she's not even sure they would make it to the bedroom this time.

Kensi tries to keep the memories of their night together away from her brain but it's impossible.

_Their clothes are shed in record time but he takes his sweet time kissing every inch of her skin, touching the exact places that only make that fire burn brighter._

_He plays her like a piano and for a while she can't do anything but moan and hold onto him, too wrapped up in pleasure to do anything else. When they become one, he whispers sweet nothings in her ear, tells her she's beautiful, and she kisses him with all her mind, trying to show her the things she can't bring herself to say out loud._

Kensi finally has enough of this and gets up from the couch, needing some space to take him out of her mind.

But when she gets up he does too and stands in front of her, looking into her eyes and trying to read her. "What's going on with you? You've been acting weird ever since…"

He doesn't finish that sentence, remembering just when she started acting weirdly.

A knowing look makes its way to his face and that terribly cute grin nearly brings her down to her knees.

But she doesn't need to beg him to do anything because, only two seconds later, his lips are on hers and his hands running all over her body.

It turns out she was right all along.

They don't even make it to the bedroom this time.

He takes her on the couch the first time.

It's hard, fast and desperate…exactly what they need.

Then, he gathers all his strength and takes her to the bedroom.

Kensi would try to stop him but she's so turned on she can't even think straight anymore.

They'll just have to deal with the consequences of it tomorrow because, right now, they're simply not strong enough to stop this.

**X**

**X**

**Happy Holidays, everyone**

**Sarah**


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

Kensi wakes up when her alarm clock starts ringing, an annoying sound that makes her wish she had the ability to wake up on time every single morning without its aid.

She opens her eyes and slams her hand against the button on top of the irritating device, effectively stopping the sound that filled the room and letting out a relieved sigh when the only thing she can hear is silence.

The sunlight is as bright as in every other morning and the young agent allows herself to smile slightly. She's always been a sucker for good weather.

Then, everything changes.

She feels the warm breath against her neck, his arm around her waist, his naked chest against her back and her legs curled against his. Her eyes widen.

God, she let this happen again.

Maybe he was right when he said her problem wasn't the uniform. Maybe her problem was him.

That thought is terrifying.

It can't be that, right?

Marty Deeks can't be her weakness…right?

Well, even if that is the case, the last thing she can do about it is tell him. Kensi can't even imagine the things he would do or say if he found out the thoughts currently running through her mind. He would never allow her to live this one down.

One way or another, they're partners.

They work together.

They can't keep having sex.

She has to be stronger than this.

She needs to have a little bit more self-control than this.

It's not like they can keep falling into bed together just because. The sane part of her brain tries to tell her that maybe there is a reason for that, one that she's not fully ready to admit quite yet.

So, Kensi tries to think about anything but how good his warm naked body feels against her, spooning her. She feels safe, protected.

Sure, she always claims to be independent and the truth is that she is. She doesn't need anyone to come in her rescue.

But this feels good.

It feels good to know that there's someone who cares enough to keep an eye on her at all times, someone who is always there even when she's sure she's not going to need it.

It's only when he moves that she freezes.

He's waking up and she knows she's going to have to keep up the act that this can't happen again.

That's what she tries to tell herself, anyway. This can' keep happening and she's aware of that but also knows one look from him, the right look, would throw all those thoughts out of the window without much effort. The power he has over her, her body, should probably scare her more than what it actually does but there's nothing Kensi can do about it.

She just has to accept her fate, her weakness.

It's not like she's not going to try to fight against it with every bit of strength she has in her but the chances of winning that fight are pretty close to none.

Still, there's no way in hell she's going to tell him that.

His voice pulls her out of her thoughts. "Did you sleep well?"

Kensi rolls her eyes but can't help the light smile on her face. Only he would ask something like that when things are so complicated, when there's so much to talk about.

"This can't happen again…you know that, right?"

And she doesn't have to turn around to see the smirk on his face. She knows it is there when he speaks. "Yeah, I've heard that one before."

Kensi breaks free from his hold, suddenly angry, and wraps her sheet around herself, getting up.

He stays in the bed, naked with a smirk on his face, not caring about his state of undress and only pissing her off further.

"Deeks, I'm serious. This can't happen again!"

He doesn't drop the smirk and sits with his back against her headboard, stretching in the process.

"I'm serious too, Kensi. If I didn't know any better I would start to think you're the kind of girl who can't be trusted. This is at least the third time you say that. The first one was all those years ago. Then you said it again just a few days ago. And now you're repeating it. Am I the only one noticing this?"

She sighs and throws a pillow at him. "Deeks, we're partners. You can't keep taking advantage of me like this just because you found out my weakness."

Deeks frowns, even though his smirk is still in place and Kensi realizes one second too late she walked right into this one. "So you finally admit that I'm your weakness."

She tries to deny it but doesn't work very hard for it.

They both know she can't keep denying the obvious for much longer. Sooner or later, she will face to face the reality.

And the truth is that Marty Deeks is a patient man.

"I didn't say that."

He gets up and starts walking towards her in a slow pace. "You didn't really need to say those words. There comes a time when you can't deny how you feel."

She tries to shut him out, to look less transparent to him.

He sees her wall coming up and knows she's trying to keep her feelings well hidden inside of her.

"There's nothing to admit."

Deeks grabs her chin and makes her look into his eyes. The playful smirk is gone from his face and the seriousness she sees there almost scares her.

But she knows there's nothing to fear. He would never do anything to hurt her.

"Kensi, look me in the eye and tell me you didn't enjoy what happened between us last night as much as I did. Tell me you honestly don't want it to happen again. Tell me you don't feel the same for me as I feel for you. Tell me that and I will never bother you with this again. Tell me that and we'll pretend this never happened."

Her voice comes out slightly shaky when she answers him. "What happens if I don't say it?"

Deeks smiles and leans down, kissing her softly. She kisses him back, unable to do anything but that. His lips are warm and soft against hers, not demanding but still pressuring to accept his control in this kiss. She allows him to do as he wants to, focusing on how good he feels and on managing to control her weakening knees.

When they pull back, Deeks smiles once again and kisses her forehead. "I'm going to get dressed and leave. I still have to go home before work. I'll see you there, Princess."

He starts walking away from her but she stops him by calling him.

He turns back to her and sees the frown on her face.

"I didn't give you my answer yet."

Deeks smirks.

"Yeah you did!"

With that, Deeks walks out of her bedroom and she hears him closing her front-door a few minutes later.

It's only then that she drops the towel and walks to the bathroom.

She can't even bring herself to think about anything right now.

Her thoughts are far too messy for her to make sense out of anything.

**X**

**X**

**Dear readers, this might be the last update of the year. **

**My family is all gathered for the holidays and that means I don't have the time to be on the computer as much as I would like. **

**I have my five brothers here, along with my sister-in-law, my parents, my two uncles, my three aunts, my five cousins and my nephew. **

**That means there are 6 women in my house and 14 men. **

**It's crazy!**

**I will try to post another chapter before the end of the year but I will make no promises.**

**I hope you all have fun during the holidays,**

**Sarah**


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

It was a long day, without a doubt.

Callen and Sam left a long time ago, claiming that paperwork could wait until next morning.

Kensi is still sitting on the same couch he saw her on one hour ago.

Deeks finishes his last report and starts getting ready to leave. After he's sure he has his keys and phone with him, Marty walks to his partner and sits on the couch next to her. Kensi has a newspaper in her hands and is focused on the news. He knows she notices him there, though, and waits for her to acknowledge him.

It doesn't take long.

"Do you need something?"

Deeks can't help but smile at her slightly raised eyebrow when she turns to him. "I said you had no sense of humor, today."

Kensi frowns. "Is there a point to this conversation or are you just stating the obvious?"

Deeks shrugs, not really sure of where he wants to go with this conversation either. "You used to be funny."

He doesn't have to say anything else.

She understands exactly what he's talking about and he sees how her eyes darken, probably remembering things she didn't want to remember right now. The ghosts of the past still come back to haunt her every once in a while but that's not exactly a surprise. It happens with all of them.

There's a part of his brain that is aware that the only reason why he's having this conversation with her is because he's trying not to think about what happened between them the morning of the day before.

Kensi had yet to tell him what he told her to tell him and Deeks knows that's a good sign. She can't admit that she has no feelings for him because that would be a lie and she doesn't lie to them, to her family.

Still, he tries to think about something else; tries to give her time and space to process everything, even though it kills him to wait for her.

Being with Kensi is all he wants.

He wants to fall asleep with her on his arms, to kiss her whenever he feels like it, the hold her in his arms just because he wants to, to announce to the world that this amazing woman is with him, to make love to her and show her how he feels without using words.

But she's not ready for that and he has the feeling he has to give her time in order not to scare her away.

Kensi stares at him, the wall she usually puts up to prevent anyone from reading her gone.

She's allowing him to see how she feels right now and that means the world to him. "I've seen too much…done too much, since then."

Deeks nods, knowing that he doesn't even know half of it.

She's not the kind of person who shares and he's okay with it.

For now, he just has to accept it.

Later on, maybe he will be able to help her with that, show her that she can tell him anything and that he won't judge her. Maybe someday he will be able to make her open up without being afraid of anything or anyone.

They sit in silence for a few minutes.

It's a comfortable silence, not like the ones they sometimes share with Callen and Sam.

This is the silence of two people who don't need to use words to communicate how they are feeling.

They just know.

She knows that he has many things going through his mind right now, things that he won't tell her about just because he's afraid of her reaction.

He knows she's pretending to read when she's actually thinking about everything that happened today, along with what has been happening between them lately.

It's a mess, really.

He knows how he feels about her.

There's not a doubt in his mind when it comes to that.

He has known that for a long time now. But Kensi has issues, issues that she will take time to get over.

He will give her time.

He will give her all the time she needs.

Suddenly, he can't keep this to himself anymore and the words that leave his mouth do so without his permission. "I love you."

It's that simple, that clear in his mind.

Kensi turns to him, shocked and even a bit freaked out.

He doesn't pretend he didn't just say that. There's no point in doing such a thing. She would be able to see it in his eyes, anyway.

There's no point trying to pretend she's just another girl. She's not!

He never felt like this before.

He never said those words to anyone else before.

But, now, he knows this is love.

This is the real deal.

She's the one.

He just wishes she wouldn't look so freaked out by his admission.

She just stares at him for a few seconds, in complete silence. Her mouth opens a few times but no words come out. He sees how much she's trying to make sense out of everything but, in the end, it seems like it's all too much for her.

Kensi gets up and starts pacing in front of him.

Deeks doesn't try to stop her. She's doing whatever she feels like she needs to do to process what he just said. And he's not going to be the one to get in the way of that.

He just sits there, trying not to panic too, and waits for her to say something.

After a few seconds, he sees the change in her features. She has reached a conclusion. And, when she turns to him, he frowns. Her mask is still in place, enabling him to see how she really feels.

The words that come out of her mouth are nothing but a whisper but he hears her loud and clear. "I can't love you."

And with that, Kensi grabs her bag and leaves the building.

Deeks doesn't go after her, knowing that she needs to be alone right now.

However, he can't keep the smile off his face. Kensi Blye might think she's a master when it comes to mask her true feelings but that doesn't work with him.

He saw right through her.

He's not going to give up, that's for sure.

**X**

**X**

**This is the last chapter of the year…And I'm actually kind of surprised with myself. I thought I wouldn't be able to post anything else until January but I managed to find the time to do so.**

**I hope you all have a great New Year and that your best dreams come true. **

**I will post another chapter as soon as I can but not before New Year's Eve.**

**You can show your love for this story through a review because those always make me happy.**

**Lots of Love,**

**Sarah**


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

She feels empty all of a sudden, like there's something missing.

There's a strong pain in her chest and for a few seconds she's not fully aware of what's going on around her. The only thing Kensi can think about is that her partner, her best friend, her…God, she doesn't even know how to finish that sentence and that nearly kills her.

Deeks just got shot and the world stopped spinning for a moment.

It's only when Hetty orders that their skills must be taken to the crime scene instead of the hospital that she snaps out of her trance-like state and manages to find her voice.

"Hetty, uh, Deeks is my second partner to get shot. So I would really like to be there... Look, the last time I wasn't there for my partner, he was dead the next time I saw him. So please - okay?"

She knows she doesn't need to say anything else.

Hetty gets it, probably more than what she does herself.

Hetty always knows everything and Kensi would be willing to bet this is not one of those rare things she's not aware of. So her boss gives her a nod and accepts her request.

"I think your partner would want you there when he wakes up."

Kensi is out of the door as soon as those words leave Hetty's mouth.

The 'if' that she didn't say is clear in her mind.

'If' he wakes up.

At this point, she has no idea of how badly injured he is. She doesn't know a damn thing.

Kensi can't stand it.

Sure, some might think that she's a bit of a control freak but the truth is that she has a good reason to be like this.

She can't stand not knowing something because, in their line of work, that might mean they're in danger. That doesn't really apply right now and the sane part of her brain knows that she's freaking out because it's Deeks. When Callen got shot they all freaked out but this is different. She stood by Callen's side during his recovery and cried during his surgery because she didn't know if he would make it out alive.

But now the pain is so strong it feels like there's a knife inside of her, cutting out little pieces of her heart and smashing them to pieces.

She doesn't know what to do without Deeks and that thought is enough to make a tear roll down her cheek.

But she can't allow that kind of things right now, not while she's driving to the hospital and trying to stay below the legal speed limit. She wants to hit the gas and speed all the way to the hospital but getting into a car accident wouldn't be good for anyone.

Her partner needs her.

Deeks needs her.

The talk they had just a few days ago keeps replaying inside her head. It's like a bad song – you hear it once, hate it, but it gets stuck in your head. She doesn't want to keep replaying that over and over again but she can't stop it. Every single time she looks at him, she remembers those three little words he said to her with so much emotion.

And she remembers what she told him.

He deserves better than this.

He deserves someone who is not nearly as unsure as she is about relationships and commitment.

It's just that she got hurt too much when she was still a young woman. She desperately wants to believe that Deeks is different but know she doesn't even know what to do.

The thought of losing him makes her want to turn back time and undo that whole conversation.

Kensi parks her car on the hospital's parking lot and rushes to the nurses' station. One nurse tells her where to wait for the doctor to update her and Kensi gets into the elevator, his badge and watch in her hands.

This worry inside of her won't leave until he opens his eyes and talks to her.

She just knows it.

The doctor tells her he's going to be fine, that the only thing he needs right now is rest and stay in that hospital bed for a few more days.

That's not enough for her, though.

She sits by his side and waits. The pain is still there, as present as before. Sure, it's a relief to hear the doctor say that he's going to be alright but she won't believe it until he opens his eyes and starts making jokes, starts talking to her like he used to.

When he finally wakes up, he must realize how nervous she is and tries to lighten up the mood with what he thinks it's a joke but it actually has the opposite effect on her.

It scares the crap out of her so he cuts it out after only a few seconds and tells her he was just joking, that he remembers her.

Kensi lets out a breath she didn't even know she was holding as soon as he says that and sits back on the chair by the side of his bed.

This is going to be a long couple of days.

They won't rest until they know who shot him and she's going to stay by his side until she knows he's out of danger.

**X**

"You're an idiot!"

Those are the first words that leave her mouth after the doctor leaves Deeks room, after he shot those guys and saved her life.

When she turned around and saw him there, bleeding, words couldn't describe the pain she felt.

This man did that for her.

He risked his own life to save hers.

So that sentence doesn't really come out in an angry manner but in a much softer tone of voice.

Deeks gets that and smiles softly at her. "Kensi, what part of 'I love you' didn't you understand? That means I would happily die in your place. And that's not just because you're my partner. I meant those words. I know you're not ready to say them back and that's okay. I'm a patient man."

Kensi moves her seat closer to his bed and holds his hand. "So you don't hate me for saying what I did to you and leaving like that the other night?"

Deeks turns his head to her side and squeezes her hand. "Princess, you told me you couldn't love me…not that you didn't love him."

It would be easy to fight against his argument but she doesn't even bother doing so.

He's right and in the end that's what really matters. Kensi doesn't have to say the words right now…he knows she's not ready for that kind of thing quite yet.

But he knows how she feels, knows that what she said the other night was just a reaction to what he told her.

He knew she would react like that even before the words came out of his mouth so what she did was no surprise.

But what she does next is a surprise, a good one.

Kensi gets up from her seat, not letting go off his hand, and leans in to connect their lips in one soft kiss.

She pulls back far too soon for his liking but this is better than nothing.

At least she's not trying to hide anything right now.

So, a few minutes later, he falls asleep holding onto her hand and with a small smile on his face, knowing that everything will be okay as long as she stays by his side.

**X**

**X**

**YAY for the first post of the year!**

**There are only three more chapters left to this story so I'm guessing it will probably be finished before the beginning of February.**

**I'm going to post the first chapter of a new story in just a few minutes too.**

**Go and read that one too, please.**

**Let me know what you think and I'll update as soon as possible,**

**Sarah**


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

The sun streaming through the open curtains of her bedroom window wake her up a few minutes before her alarm clock does. It's a beautiful sunny morning, like most of the morning in this town. There's nothing but silence in her house at this hour.

But those minutes of silence are enough to put her in a good mood. The warm body spooning hers is all she needs to face the new day with a smile on her face.

Deeks was released from the hospital two weeks ago and has been staying with her ever since. Sure, the team doesn't really know about that so he has to spend the days at his house just in case they decide to visit but the nights are spent with her. She picks him up after work and they go to her house. They share a good meal, watch some TV together and talk before bedtime. There are days in which he sees how tired she is and cuddles her. But most nights, he takes her to her bed and shows her how much he loves her, worshiping her body and offering her mind-blowing pleasure.

Kensi wants to smack herself repeatedly every single time she realizes she could have had this with him a long time ago. The only thing holding them back before he got shot was her fears, her stubbornness.

The alarm clock finally rings, jolting her out of her thoughts. Deeks tenses behind her for a second, the time it takes him to wake up enough to realize where he is and who he is with. Then, he relaxes and pulls her closer to his body, dropping small kisses on the back of her neck. Kensi smiles and stops the alarm that gets on her nerves most of the times right before turning around in his arms to face him.

"Good morning…Ready for the first day back?"

Deeks still has his eyes half-closed but smirks and connects their lips in a much reversed move. She kisses him back for a while, enjoying the warmth of his lips on hers. He kisses her slowly, lazily but still lovingly and it takes a lot of strength for her not to moan. She can't moan because she knows that Deeks will start something they don't have the time for before work if he hears that sound coming from her.

Deeks pulls back and gives her one of his famous grins.

"I am, now. Good morning, princess!"

Kensi cuddles to his chest, knowing that they still have a few more minutes they can spend in bed without being afraid of getting late to work. He holds her as close to him as possible and kisses the top of her head. This is how she feels comfortable, safe. In his arms, she feels like nothing can ever harm her.

When she starts speaking again, her voice comes out mumbled against his chest but he seems to understand what she said. And it's a good thing because she doesn't have it in her to move quite yet.

"Sam will be trying to find you today, since it's your first day back. He will want to make sure you understood every single thing in the lecture he gave you."

Deeks strokes her back and lets out a small sigh, resting his cheek against her head and enjoying having her so close to him, in his arms. "I'll take care of that. Go to work and I'll be there as soon as I can."

He regrets saying those words a second later when she pulls away from him, pecks his lips and leaves to the bathroom to start getting ready for the day of work. Sometimes he has the need to pinch himself to make sure this is not a dream. Sometimes it's hard to believe that this woman is with him.

Marty gets up and goes to her dresser to get some clothes to change to after his shower. They realized a while ago that he needed to have some clothes in her house. The door of the bathroom is unlocked and it would be easy to walk in and see the amazing body he's now familiar with.

But it would be much harder (literally) to walk out without touching her and that's off limits before work. Something about concentration and shortage of time comes to his mind.

So he fights against that urge and waits until she comes out to start his own shower, just in case. By the time he's done, she's already gone from the house but there's a cup of coffee and a donut waiting for him in the kitchen counter.

He smiles and takes his breakfast with him, leaving in less than two minutes.

**X **

They work as a team. That means that there are things they all need to be aware of. If one of them is sick every single member of the team must be warned in order to help the disabled one.

It's quite easy.

They share.

They are a family.

They know a lot about each other.

In fact, they probably know way too much about each other. But that's what makes them a good team. That's what makes them as hard to break as they are. The bond they share is so strong that they trust each other without thinking twice. That's what makes NCIS, or at least their division, run this smoothly. That's why they wrap up cases in record time and why they do it without injured team members, most of the times.

So they all know that there are things the whole team must know.

But this relationship she has going on with Deeks is not one of those things. They are both competent professionals so their personal involvement doesn't get in the way of their work.

They're partners, anyway.

Their job is to have each other's back at all times. Just because they now have a personal reason to do so, it doesn't mean that the entire team must be made aware of that small detail.

That's why she doesn't say a word when Sam and Callen ask her where Deeks is on the first morning he's supposed to be back to work.

That's why she calls him, even though she's sure he's on his way.

That's why she pretends to be surprised when he walks in with a coffee in his hands and a smirk on his face just a few seconds after his phone starts ringing in Sam's bag.

There are things the team doesn't need to know.

For example, they don't need to know that the reason why Sam didn't find him at his house was because he didn't even sleep there to begin with.

They don't need to know that the reason why Sam didn't find him at any coffee shop was because she left a coffee for him on her kitchen counter.

They sure as hell don't need to know that the smile he sends her way carries a different meaning this time and that he struggles not to stare at her for longer than necessary.

**X**

**X**

**Just three more chapters to go…**

**Sarah**


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

They watch the video where that guy throws him to the water over and over again.

It's funny, for some reason he hasn't quite yet figured out.

He fought him and did what he could to stop him. Sure, the other man was stronger and managed to send him to the lake but that was a meaningless detail. However, the team didn't seem to think the same way and kept asking Eric and Nell to put it again.

Deeks is starting to realize they're never going to allow him to live this one down when Nell turns to Kensi, her expression much serious now. "Are you okay, Kensi?"

Kensi tries to signal the other woman to stay in silence but Nell doesn't seem to realize that until after the words leave her mouth.

And, despite her best efforts, the entire team turns to her with suspicious looks on their faces. She turns to them and shrugs. "I was feeling a bit sick this morning, that's all."

Callen frowns and turns to Nell. They all know Kensi is not telling the truth about this.

She is a great undercover agent but when it comes to lie to them she is the worst liar on the planet. "Nell, why did you ask her if she is okay?"

Nell turns away from them, knowing that she can't answer that without lying and knowing they would read right through her lie.

Eric, however, has the confidence necessary to handle this situation. He starts hitting a few buttons and, before they know it, there's another video on the screen. A video that shows Kensi getting hit by a car, getting up and continuing her run towards Deeks.

Callen is too shocked to say anything.

Sam is afraid that he will start yelling at her if he opens his mouth.

But Deeks doesn't seem to hold on to his frustration.

"Have you completely lost your mind? Who does that, Kensi? You can't just get hit by a car and continue your day as if nothing happened. You have to at least tell someone. And don't you dare to say you're fine because you can't be fine after getting hit by a freaking car. What was your brilliant plan to hide the bruises I'm sure you have right now from me? Did you really think I wouldn't seem them?"

Kensi doesn't have the time to answer him because Callen beats her to it, an amused smile on his face (something pretty close to a smirk). "And why would she need to hide bruises on her back and stomach from you? Why would you see those parts of her body without clothes covering them?"

Sam joins, a smirk on his face too, the whole situation clearly forgotten now that they have something else in mind. "Yes, do tell us that, Deeks!"

Deeks is at a loss of words but Kensi jumps in to his rescue, not caring if the guys know or not anymore. "We've been dating for two months now but we started sleeping together a while before that. In fact, Sam, Deeks and I have known each other for quite a while now. We met when Callen and I were still working in New York, back in 2004. We spent a few years without talking but we slept together back then. For a while, I thought I was pregnant with his child but it turned out that I was late because of the irregular sleeping schedules. That's why he would eventually see the bruises on my body."

Callen can't help but be proud of her.

He knows all about her issues and it's amazing to see that she is finally acknowledging this thing with Deeks.

It's a sign that she's starting to learn that there are people out there who don't want to hurt her. In Deeks case, he'd rather die than see her hurt in any way.

Sam nods, taking in all the information, and then turns to Callen to give him a meaningful look.

Kensi and Deeks stare at each other, both unaware of what those two are up to and kind of afraid to find out.

Then, Callen smirks and turns to Deeks. "Deeks, it's time for us to have a little chat. Would you care to join me and Sam in Nate's old office?"

Deeks gulps but nods anyway. He knows they're going to give him the big brother talk and he's not entirely sure he's going to make it out of that room in one piece. Kensi realizes his fear and laughs before pecking his cheek and giving him a small nudge forward.

Deeks follows the boys out of the room and closes the door behind him as soon as he enters the office.

Sam laughs at his panicked face. "Don't worry, Deeks. We're not going to physically hurt you for now."

He nods. "It's the 'for now' on that sentence that scares me…"

Callen shakes his head and sits on Nate's chair. "Kensi is a big girl. She can take care of herself. In fact, as you know, she can kick anyone's ass without a second thought and without feeling guilty afterwards. But she would never hurt someone she loves. I know she hasn't said it yet, it will take some time. But she loves you and I'm sure you know that. Now, listen carefully. She may not need anyone to fight her own battles but if you ever hurt her there will be a long line of people willing to kick your ass. You know that, right?"

Deeks nods and opens his mouth to answer him but Sam cuts him off before he has the chance to. "Mike Renko would probably the first one to take his turn with you. You don't know that guy but he's a brother to Kensi and loves her. He would do anything for her and wouldn't hesitate in ripping you a new one. Callen would be second in line because I'm sure you know how much Kensi means to him. Then, I'd get my turn. Hetty would probably join the party too and even Eric. Are we clear on that, Deeks?"

He nods and finally has the chance to answer them. "Look, I know all that but the thing is that I love her with all my heart. I never want to hurt her. And, if I ever do hurt her, you have my permission to kill me on the spot. She's everything to me, guys."

Callen nods and gets up to pat him on the back. "We know you will never hurt her intentionally, Deeks, but we wouldn't be doing our job if we didn't give you the big-brother talk, now would we?"

Deeks lets out a small laugh and the three men walk out of the room. The secret is out of the box now.

That means they have nothing on their way now.

They can be happy together. Now, the only thing that is missing is those three little words from her but he's patient.

He can wait.

He will wait until she's ready to tell that to him.

They have a lifetime, anyway.

**X**

**X**

**Two more chapters to go…**

**Will Kensi finally say those words to him? And what does the future (and by future I mean myself) has in store for those two?**

**I already know what's going to happen but I'd like to hear your thoughts about it. What do you think it will happen on the next two chapters?**

**Sarah **


	34. Chapter 34

_AN: Please note that this chapter has M-rated content. Therefore, it's not suitable for everyone. Read at your own risk._

**Chapter 34**

Kensi parks her car outside his garage and gets out of it.

She agreed to meet him here so they could go out and see that new movie that come out this week together. He's not particularly excited to see it but would never deny her anything.

Their relationship grew stronger over the past few months they've been together. They spend most nights together and every spare time they have is also spent in each other's company.

She hasn't said those three words to him yet but they're getting there.

They are solving her fears and chasing away her ghosts one by one. They know time heals all wounds and what they have is so much stronger than all her bad experiences combined.

She's not, however, prepared for the sight that greets her as soon as she walks inside his garage.

Marty Deeks is beneath his old truck, obviously trying to fix something. She can see nothing but his legs but that is more than enough for the butterflies to start moving inside her stomach.

This man is capable of doing things to her without even trying. That, the power he has over her, should scare her a lot more than what it actually does. It's all about trust, in the end. And she trusts him.

Kensi trusts him with her life and heart.

Because, even though she's not quite ready to admit it yet, he already owns her heart.

Deeks must sense her there because he pushes himself from underneath the car and gives her one of his biggest smiles. However, Kensi is not really paying attention to his smile. She's more focused on his shirtless upper body and the grease stains on it.

His voice manages to bring her back to focus and she finally meets his eyes, filled with amusement.

"See something you like, princess?"

That does it for her and before he has the chance to say anything else, she's pressing the button that closes the garage door.

He gets up from the floor and holds her face in his hands, proceeding to kiss her senseless. She kisses him back, moaning when his tongue starts exploring every inch of her mouth and taking her breath away.

When air becomes scarce, he pulls back and whispers against her lips.

"Let me take a shower and we can go."

The smug smirk on his face is a clear indication that he planned this. He didn't want to go see the movie so she walked right into a trap. He knows her weaknesses and plays with them.

In any other occasion, she would probably smack him across the head and give him a lecture about that kind of behavior but she's simply too far gone to care about that.

Instead, she simply whispers something back before joining their lips once again in a breathtaking kiss.

"Actually, I'd prefer to stay here for now, if that's okay with you…"

Deeks wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her as close as he can, lifting her up in the process so she can wrap her legs around his waist. Sometimes, he has trouble believing this amazing woman is with him, that she chose to let him love her and be with her. They both have issues, Kensi probably more than him, but the point is that they're working to overcame all that together. And that's all he has the right to ask for.

He sets her on top of his work-table and takes her shirt off, only breaking contact with her lips for long enough to pull it over her head. Kensi unzips his pants and shoves them down, smirking when she notices he's not wearing boxers once again. Her pants follow the same path and the only thing standing between the two of them is her underwear. He kisses her with so much passion that her body can't help but respond with a hunger she's already familiar with.

Deeks fights with her bra-clasp for a few seconds but ends up removing it and throwing it over his shoulder, not caring about where it lands. The feeling of his bare chest against hers is more than what she can take and she shows him that by reaching down and giving his member a good squeeze.

He's painfully hard but, for some reason, he wants to please her first. Deeks disconnects their lips and starts kissing his way down her body, stopping for a few seconds to pay special attention to her aching nipples before continuing his path south.

The scarp of material she calls panties are discarded in record time and he doesn't waste time. Kensi knows what's coming as soon as she feels his hot breath _there_ and can only brace herself for the overwhelming pleasure she knows won't take long to engulf her. And she's right.

The second his mouth connects with her most intimate place, she throws her head back and moans his name.

He works harder with every moan that escapes her lips, desperate to make her go over the edge. It doesn't take long and he's guessing seeing him covered with grease and working on a car has something to do with that because he's only seen her this worked up a few times before.

When she reaches the peak, his name on her lips, he helps her riding out the wave before getting up from his crouching position in front of the table. She's breathing fast, her chest rising and falling at a rapid pace.

He's about to kiss her when her soft whisper stops him. "I love you."

The words he's been waiting to hear are like music but he has to be sure this is what she really means. She opens her eyes and looks at him, noticing the shock mixed with happiness on his face. Still, he can't simply accept that and move on. That would be against his nature.

"You're not saying that just because I gave you a mind-blowing orgasm, right?"

Kensi would have laughed in any other situation but she doesn't this time because she understands his fear.

So, she takes his face in her hands and makes smiles at him. "I love you because you always have my back, because you make me feel safe, because you understand me and my needs, because I know you would never intentionally hurt me, because I know you'll never willingly leave me, because you're amazing and because you respect me. I love you, Marty Deeks. Oh, and because you know how to fix a car too."

Deeks face breaks into a smile and he connects their lips in one swift movement, pouring everything he feels into that kiss. He manages to speak, between kisses. "I love you too, princess."

Kensi pulls back with a grin on her face. "How strong is this table?"

Deeks shakes his head with the smile he's sure is not going to leave his face anytime soon. "Probably not strong enough for what you have in mind…"

Kensi looks around, ignoring his questioningly gaze, and her face lights up when she sees the clean back of the truck.

He follows her line of vision and smirks when he sees what she's looking at. Deeks grabs her once again, making her wrap her legs around his waist, and carries her to the back of pick-up truck.

She spreads her legs for him to nestle between them and lets out a low moan when his fingers check to see if she's ready for him. Finding her more than ready to welcome him, he kisses her once again and whispers against her lips.

"You know I'll never be able to do anything in this garage without remembering this, right?"

Kensi just laughs but he stops her by pushing inside of her. And all thoughts leave their minds. All that matters is what they have right now.

Who knows what the future will bring…

**X**

**X **

**One more chapter to go: the epilogue**

**I have to say this right now because I want you all to know it before I post the epilogue.**

**It was a pleasure writing this story for all you guys. It was supposed to have a maximum of 5 chapters but, thanks to your on-going support, it became so much bigger than that.**

**A lot has happened since I started writing this. It seems like it was just yesterday but it has been 7 months now. **

**I think I've never written something for that long. **

**So, with one more chapter to go, I want to thank each and every single one of you who was patient enough to read every chapter and to tell me what you thought about them.**

**Has I said before, it has been a pleasure.**

**I will post the epilogue as soon as I can.**

**Love,**

**Sarah**


	35. Chapter 35

_**AN: Brace yourselves! This is the last chapter of this story. Please read my AN on the bottom of the chapter. Enjoy ;-)**_

**15/11/2011**

They are a family. Despite all their fights and arguments, they're a family. They stick by each other's sides through anything and everything. They have each other's backs and suffer when that's not enough to keep one of their members completely safe. Their relationship is a strong one, one that nothing or anyone can shake. So, when Kensi gets shot in the middle of an operation gone wrong, they all feel that bullet as if it had ripped through their shoulders and not just hers. Deeks is by her side a second later while Callen and Sam handcuff their two bad-guys. Deeks puts pressure in her shoulder to stop the bleeding while they wait for the ambulance.

She gives him a light smile, despite her groan of pain, just to calm him down. "I've had worst, Marty."

That alone is a clear indication that he must look a lot more concerned than what he thought he did because she called him Marty with that gentle tone of voice she usually uses to comfort him. Deeks leans down and gives her a kiss on the forehead just to let her know he appreciates the gesture. The ambulance gets there before they know it and the paramedics put her in the gurney. Deeks rides with her and the other two agents promise to meet them at the hospital as soon as they can, warning Deeks that they want a phone-call with frequent updates until they can make it there.

Once on the way to the hospital, and after making sure that her condition is not a bad one, the paramedic starts asking some questions just to save time once they get to the hospital.

"Are you currently taking any kind of medication?"

Kensi shakes her head, the pain on her shoulder slowly subsiding with the help of the pain killers they gave her. "I was on the pill until a few months ago but I stopped because it was interfering with my hormones."

The paramedic, Jane, writes that down on her paper and asks another question. "So are there any chances of pregnancy?"

Kensi is in silence for a few seconds, under both Deeks and Jane's questioningly gaze, before she answers. "Actually, I don't know."

Deeks shakes his head. "Kenz, we always use condoms."

Kensi shakes her head. "There was that time at work when you just couldn't wait until we got home and didn't have any condoms with you."

Deeks remembers that time and nods slowly. Jane writes something down before facing Kensi once again. "We'll just run a test once we get to the hospital. It's not a problem."

Kensi and Deeks stay in silence, both not really sure of what to think about the whole thing. She's a few days late but her period has never been very regular. Besides, that only got worse after she stopped taking the birth-control pill. Deeks doesn't know how she feels about motherhood so he doesn't dare to ask her anything, even though his mind is all over the place.

They reach the hospital and she's taken away by the doctors, leaving him alone in the waiting room and completely free to think about the baby-issue. Now he's getting a glimpse of what she had to go through all alone, years ago, when she thought she was carrying his child. Not knowing is killing him. He could deal with either her being pregnant or no but not knowing what's going on is far worst. When a doctor walks up to him and tells him he can go and wait with Kensi by the test results, he gets up and walks down the corridor, not sure of what he's supposed to say to Kensi about this.

But he doesn't have the time to ask anything but how she's feeling because the doctor walks in with her test results in her hands. "Your results are here but I'd like to talk to both of you about safe sex."

Deeks cuts her in, not in the mood for this kind of talk. "Look, doctor, we know all about safe sex. We're not two irresponsible teenagers who just want to get some. We're both adults and we're in a serious relationship. Can you just tell us whether she's pregnant or not?"

The doctor understands what he said and nods with a gentle smile on her face. "She's not pregnant."

Deeks nods and looks at Kensi to understand what's going on inside her head. But she's not showing any kind of emotion. She's just staring at the doctor that is rambling about the cares she needs to have with that wound on her shoulder. Things like not moving her arm for a few days and taking the pain killers are coming out of her mouth but he's not really listening and he's got the feeling neither is Kensi. They've both dealt with things like this before. It's not the first time they have to deal with a bullet hole. But it's standard procedure and they both have to endure it.

And when they leave the hospital, she doesn't talk about it. And neither does he.

**X**

**21/03/2012**

It's just another normal Wednesday, or at least as normal as it can get for two federal agents who just happen to live together. Kensi is upstairs, getting ready for work and he's taking care of their breakfast. If she had it her way, they would eat burritos or donuts for breakfast every morning but he introduced her to what it really feels like to have a healthy breakfast in the morning and she eventually got used to it. It only took her two months to manage to eat cereal without winning about its lack of sugar when compared to donuts. Therefore, they made a compromise. During the work-week, he prepares breakfast for them and she eats it without complaining. On weekends, however, she can eat whatever she wants to and he doesn't say a word about it. The truth is that he joins her in that unhealthy breakfast every single weekend without minding.

Today, though, as he reaches for the cereal box on the top-shelf, he notices something's out. There's a box of chocolates next to the cereal-box. He grabs it and takes a good look at it, frowning when he notices it's the same box he bought over two weeks ago, when he figured she would be having her period around that time. He can't help but call her.

"Princess, are you late?"

Kensi answers him from upstairs. "No, I just need to find my earrings."

Deeks shakes his head and goes upstairs to find her in the bedroom, looking for said earrings. "That's not what I meant, honey!"

Kensi looks at him with a confused look on her face so he shows her the box of chocolates. Kensi gets a thoughtful look and he's guessing she's doing the math on her head. After a few seconds, she sits on the bed in shock. Deeks sits next to her and takes her hand.

"I'll buy you a test this afternoon and you'll take it, just to be sure."

Kensi nods and rests her head on his shoulder. Deeks kisses her on the top of her head and they stay like that for a few seconds, not saying a word. And they don't talk about it again until they get back from work that afternoon. She gets there first and he arrives a minute later with a plastic bag on his hand. He hands her the bag and she goes to the bathroom. He waits outside and only walks inside when she opens the door.

Kensi sits on the floor and he sits next to her, their backs against the side of the bathtub. He's the one who breaks the silence. "How long do we have to wait?"

She rests her head on his shoulder and he wraps one of his arms around her shoulder. "We have to wait five minutes. I set the timer on my phone."

Deeks nods and they wait, in silence because they don't need words right now. The silence is comfortable and they don't need to talk about anything, seeing as they don't know the results yet. After the five minutes go by, Kensi lifts her head but doesn't move.

Deeks kisses her head. "Do you want me to go see it?"

She nods and he gets up, walking to the sink. The result is clear. «Not pregnant» is written in the test and there's not a doubt about that. He turns to her. "It's negative."

Kensi nods but doesn't get up so he sits next to her once again. This time, she allows him to see how she feels and he smiles, taking her hand in his. "Am I the only one who was hoping the test would turn out to be positive?"

Kensi shakes her head and he pulls her closer, hugging her and knowing they're on the right path.

**X **

**27/06/2012**

There's a certain similarity with what they did three months before. They're once again sitting on the bathroom floor together, their backs against the bathtub and the pregnancy test on the sink while they wait for the five minutes to be over. This time, however, it's not another pregnancy scare. They've been trying to get pregnant for three months now. It's the third time they take this test without any kind of suspicion that she might be pregnant.

Kensi breaks the silence between them. "What if I've done so much crap to my body that I will never be able to get pregnant? What if I've ruined all my chances of having kids?"

Deeks shakes his head and squeezes her hand. "You've done nothing wrong."

Kensi sighs and looks at him. "I eat junk food, I drink and I've been forced to take strong pain-killers many times before."

Deeks gives her a sweet peck on the lips, just because it's too tempting to resist. "You're healthy so I don't think any of those things are an important factor. Don't freak out."

She's frustrated now. "How can I not freak out when test after test turns out negative?"

Deeks remains calm, for her sake. "It's normal, princess. These things take time."

"We've been trying for three months now."

He shakes his head. "That's not very long, Kenz."

His phone goes off, warning them that the five minutes are up and that it's time to go and see the result.

She's the one who gets up and sighs as soon as she looks at it. "It's negative, once again."

Deeks gets up and hugs her from behind, looking at her trough the mirror. "Let's try something different because this is stressing you out. We'll keep trying but you're going to stop taking these testes every month. You relax and when it happens, it happens. Is that okay with you?"

Kensi nods with a small smile on her face and he kisses her neck in a comforting gesture. But she has other plans and turns around in his arms, kissing him passionately and showing him what she wants from him right now. He's more than happy to comply and guides her to their bed, happy to see her clearly more relaxed.

**X **

**17/08/2012**

He proposes. He doesn't do it in the conventional way but, then again, they're anything but conventional. Getting down on one knee is too mainstream for them.

They tend to do things the 'wrong' way but it works for them.

They're having sex one night when he realizes that he doesn't want to spend a single day without this amazing woman. He doesn't want to ever leave her. So he asks her to marry him. Yes, they're having sex when he proposes. It's not exactly the most romantic way to do it but she lets out a 'yes' in form of a scream, hit full force by her orgasm.

He asks her again, after their brain is capable of forming coherent thoughts once again and her answer is the same once again. He kisses her with passion, overwhelmed with everything. Afterwards, she laughs and tells him they need to come up with a different proposal story to tell their future kids because that is not even slightly appropriate. The next day, he asks her how she wants to get married and her answer comes a second later. She doesn't even have to think about it.

"I know it's not exactly romantic but I want to get married in a small chapel somewhere, with casual clothes and a maximum of six guests."

He arranges everything and now, two weeks later, he's waiting for her to get ready to go. Sure, he didn't tell her that they're getting married. As far as she's concerned, they're just going to watch a movie. She comes downstairs with a smile on her face, her jeans and shirt giving her the causal look he's sure she wants to have on the wedding she described.

She frowns when he takes a right run instead of a left one, not driving in the direction of the movie-theatre. She asks him what's going on but he remains silent, a mysterious smile on his face. When he parks outside a small chapel, her smile is so big that could lighten up an entire room.

They get out of the car and he takes her hand, leading her inside the church. Her smile gets even bigger when she sees Sam, Callen, Eric, Nell and Hetty there.

Deeks looks at her and sighs. "I'm afraid I'm one guest short."

Kensi takes his hand and puts it over her stomach. "Actually, you're not."

The smile of pure happiness on his face and the way he twirls her around doesn't go unnoticed by anyone. The team rushes to congratulate the future-parents before they walk down the aisle to get married.

In the end, it's not her dreaming wedding. It's even better than that.

She knows that, as long as she has Marty Deeks by her side, everything will be alright.

And he knows that as long as he has Kensi Deeks by his side, nothing can go wrong in his world.

If, years ago when he first met her while undercover in New York, someone had told him he would be getting married to her, he would have laughed it off and called that person crazy.

But now, he has a wife, a baby on the way and a family. He's happier than he ever thought he would be and he makes the woman he loves happy.

What more can anyone ask for?

**X**

**X**

**This is it, dear readers.**

**This is the end of 'Stuck Smitten Whatever'.**

**There won't be a sequel because I feel like there's not much to write in this story. I'm not exactly the type of writer that can describe their family life.**

**Besides, I think Kensi as a mother is a bit out of character for her and I wouldn't be able to write that.**

**However, I leave here a challenge for anyone willing to take it. I will allow one of my readers to write a sequel for this story, if there's anyone interested. Now, if any of you want to take the challenge, send me a private message and I'll decide what to do afterwards. **

**Anyway, it was a pleasure to write for you and I would love to read your comments one last time for this story. Reviews are more than welcome, even though it is the last chapter.**

**Love,**

**Sarah **


End file.
